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Question
Posted by: Liza | 2010/06/21

Sometimes its just so hard....

" I''m slighty mad"  - listening to Queen. The song just seems to pierce my soul. Just seems to portray everything I''m feeling right now. My sons came to visit until yesterday and it was just so difficult to say goodbye. Especially as I noticed my youngest son bite back the tears at the security gate. Luckily my younger sister fetched my kids from the airport. She''s still friends with my ex-husband(he and his new wife have been very good to her no matter how lousy he was to me as a husband) It''s a relationship that relieves me no end. She would give my youngest any affection he needed when they landed. I know that I''m a disruption to their normal lives. I just have such a longing to be part of their daily lives.

My soul is at war.Then to think about work... It''s like I used to be a superhero with my abilities towards my chosen career. And now I''ve gone from being a superhero to just being a normal person. No more conclusions that my mind is superior from factual evidence. Only hasbeens to a better time. Admiring the brilliance of others and knowing that what I provide could have been at least 10 times better if I were at my full potential. Imagine being a super-hero unable to access his or her super powers. It is the one thing that makes me obsess the most. I used to be a being of VERY rare abilities. Solving puzzles where others feared to tread... Good grief! I used to solve puzzles that Mensa minds tried for extreme exercise!

Just at my worst. Knowing what I could have been and what I am now. At he last things seem very simple. Life goes on. No matter what I do. I don''t need to win, I don''t even need to lose. I just need to be. And that can change everything...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're not really a disruption, though I can understand why you might feel that way - you're a part of that life, which, like all lives, has themes and variations, like good music does.
Even a truly superior mind isn't superhuman or brilliant on all tasks and at all times. Even in comic books, most superheros have special vulnerabilities as well as super-powers.
Particularly effective people ( much more useful in the long run than superheros - imagine how tiresome one of those would be as a neighbour !) are able to work through the dry spells and droughts being largely "good-enough" so as to be on hand when they are also able to work at full power and be excellent.
The measure isn't whether you have reached the pinnacles you once imagined ( those are more like using the stars as navigation aids ) but whether, using those as guides, you have reached worthwhile achievements. And that, I think, you have done.
In my experience, having go to know some legendary hisorical figures and Nobel Prize winners, they were indeed concerned with doing things as well as they could, but didn't take time to bea themselves up for anything they hadn't done, rather looking ahead to what they could still do.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Rick | 2010/06/22

Then just be who you are, not who you were or who you want to be. Just being in the moment, smelling the flowers, enjoying the day, dont pressure yourself.

Reply to Rick
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/22

You're not really a disruption, though I can understand why you might feel that way - you're a part of that life, which, like all lives, has themes and variations, like good music does.
Even a truly superior mind isn't superhuman or brilliant on all tasks and at all times. Even in comic books, most superheros have special vulnerabilities as well as super-powers.
Particularly effective people ( much more useful in the long run than superheros - imagine how tiresome one of those would be as a neighbour !) are able to work through the dry spells and droughts being largely "good-enough" so as to be on hand when they are also able to work at full power and be excellent.
The measure isn't whether you have reached the pinnacles you once imagined ( those are more like using the stars as navigation aids ) but whether, using those as guides, you have reached worthwhile achievements. And that, I think, you have done.
In my experience, having go to know some legendary hisorical figures and Nobel Prize winners, they were indeed concerned with doing things as well as they could, but didn't take time to bea themselves up for anything they hadn't done, rather looking ahead to what they could still do.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Liza | 2010/06/21

Luckily some things can be provided for. Even though I know I could have been the provider in any circumstance. The strong will survive.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Liza | 2010/06/21

Please understand what my life has been like! I''ve been brilliant at almost every single turn! A normal person might live with this kind of pressure - I can''t!

Reply to Liza

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