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Question
Posted by: Margie | 2010/12/08

SOCIOPATH

Dear Dr
I was in a relationship for a year and a half with guy, aged 56. He is very charming, " warm"  and soft-hearted. I end our relationship after I discovered that he has several affairs going on at the same time. He admitted and said that they are only friends. But I got proof that it was sexual relationships. I left him 5 months ago and since then he''s trying all he can to gain me back. He says he wants to be with me but he also " love"  his other girlfriends. Women do like him very much cause he''s a real charmer....always calls other women " my sweetie" , " My girl"  etc and he like to flirt. - he says its very innocent.

I still feel something for him but I''m also cautious because he is very manipulative.To cut a long story short - he fits 99% into the profile of a SOCIOPATH. The one outstanding thing what I realised is that he''s unable to love just one woman deeply....although he says that he loves me. I''m sure he says the same to all the other women.

Will he be able to change and on what conditions?

Thank you

Margie


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like he's used to getting what he wants, and assumes he can charm women into doing whatver he wants. Sounds like he might be the sort of psychopath who is actally far less charming than he appears to be, but is really expert at charming you and seeming nice and caring. Some sociopaths are very good at that.
Its rather like when someone is discovered to have committed huge frauds, people who knew them say, surprised : "But he was so charming!" Of course ! Charm is his primary weapon / tool. A sociopath who wasn't charming couldn't lure so many women into his life. Its like saying of a plumber "But he had a pipe wrench !" Of course he did !
He's [robabl;y not capable of changing, and why on earth would he bother to do so ? If one woman sees through him, he has a tram of others from which to pick a replacement. Do you really want to be part of a harem ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Margie | 2010/12/20

Thank you so much for your replies. Really appreciate it.

No Cybershrink, I don''t want to be part of a harem...not at all. I saw him the past weekend and he''s willing to see a shrink but I doubt that he ever will change. Its really difficult cause I truely loved this guy but I know its time to face the facts.

Thank for your advise!





Reply to Margie
Posted by: Maria | 2010/12/09

You will never be able to fully trust this guy, so I think you are much better off without him.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/12/09

Sounds like he's used to getting what he wants, and assumes he can charm women into doing whatver he wants. Sounds like he might be the sort of psychopath who is actally far less charming than he appears to be, but is really expert at charming you and seeming nice and caring. Some sociopaths are very good at that.
Its rather like when someone is discovered to have committed huge frauds, people who knew them say, surprised : "But he was so charming!" Of course ! Charm is his primary weapon / tool. A sociopath who wasn't charming couldn't lure so many women into his life. Its like saying of a plumber "But he had a pipe wrench !" Of course he did !
He's [robabl;y not capable of changing, and why on earth would he bother to do so ? If one woman sees through him, he has a tram of others from which to pick a replacement. Do you really want to be part of a harem ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: friend | 2010/12/08

My dear Margie ... it is simple - if you are not happy with him having other women in his life and he feels he loves his other women as well, then there is a conflict. If you wer happy with him loving all of you, there would not have been a problem and even though he loves you, he clearly does not love you more than the other women and like I said, this would have been fine if you were ok with it. But you clearly are not, so I guesse you know exactly what the situation is. The other aspect of this entire situation, is that he did not tell you that he was seeing other women, you had to find out by yourself - this is cheating - will you be able to get past that if he does decide to give up the other women?

Reply to friend

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