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Question
Posted by: Fred | 2012/03/02

Social Issues: help needed

I''m 33 years old, and have few friends. I sometimes feel they only tolerate me. I''ve never had a girlfiend, I just have no idea how to meet anybody.

Somewhere along the line I just missed something that everybody else seems to have learned by the time they were 15.

What do I do? I feel I will never be able to lead a normal life unless I adress this problem. I''ve looked at some self-help books, but they''re not useful. The same old " advice" . Be more confident, talk to people more bla bla bla. That''s like telling someone to stop being depressed.

I suppose I need professional help, but where do I look? How do I know the particular professional is worth it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I suspect many people didn't specifically learn this, but just naturally had a bit more self-esteem and self-confidence, and didn't expect to fail ( and when they did fail in approaching someone else, as everybody does at times ) So they tried, they weren't devastated when it didn't work, and just enjoyed it when it did. Sometimes thinking too hard about such things can actually make it a bit more difficult.
Yes, some self-help books are so much less helpful than you need - they're a bit like reading a car on safe driving that just says " Dont have acidents".
Counselling, especially of the CBT type ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) can help significantly, to boost your self-confidence, discuss people skills, and let you take more effective control over the process.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/03

I suspect many people didn't specifically learn this, but just naturally had a bit more self-esteem and self-confidence, and didn't expect to fail ( and when they did fail in approaching someone else, as everybody does at times ) So they tried, they weren't devastated when it didn't work, and just enjoyed it when it did. Sometimes thinking too hard about such things can actually make it a bit more difficult.
Yes, some self-help books are so much less helpful than you need - they're a bit like reading a car on safe driving that just says " Dont have acidents".
Counselling, especially of the CBT type ( Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) can help significantly, to boost your self-confidence, discuss people skills, and let you take more effective control over the process.

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