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Question
Posted by: Me | 2010/09/30

So Rude

Hi CS I previously received no reply to my posting.
also thanx to those who have replied.

On Sat. we were sitting and chatting with friends and he pretended like he was going to punch me in my face, which he has done before(pretended) and then by accident his fist hit my face ever so slightly, he apologized and everyone went quite because obviously I should be upset but I just pretended that I was fine, meaning to talk to him about it later once we were home. The thing is I told him before not to do that as it’  s not a very nice thing to do and his hand could just slip and actually hit me and then it happened.
I really hated him and and this was not the first episode for the day.
The other highlight was when he went over a speed hump and at the same time I leaned over to put my cooldrink in the cupholder, I kinda jerked to the front as he went over and he said that I’  m such an idiot, only a stupid would do something like that. Like I done the most stupid thing on the planet when I done nothing at all.
He was upset because he didn’  t know how to drive and I was directing him and I’  m sure this is the reason he was the way he was as there were other people in the car too.
We supposed to get married next year and have been together for 3yrs now.
We spoke about it on Sun. and he promised to change his ways but it just seems like he just goes back to his ugly ways.
I don’  t know what to do as we have both invested so much in this relationship.
I hate being with someone who is this ugly towards me and I know I can get better but I do love the good part of him and that’  s why I stay.


Anon

Just to let you know, I''''ve married someone similar. His so nice when we alone, but when we visit friends he''''s so rude to me!! Please think before going further with this relationship, it gets WORSE!!!!!

AH

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I"m not aware of having failed to respond to ANy posting in the last 10myears or more. But this week I had yet another vvery long power cut, because the Tshwane municipality is utterly incapable of keeping the lights on in a capital city.
Yes, pretending to hit someone, while not quite physical abuse, not only can lead to accidental blows, but is disrespectful at the least.
These are all signs suggesting that this is not likely to become a lasting and happy relationship for you, and you should reconsider it. On the other hand, considering some of the horrifically abusive and vicious things some couples do to each other, at least this is currently at the level of disrespect. Marriage really doesn't sound like a great idea, does it ?

If you both actually do want to to ahead with this, at least make sure you work with a couples counsellor to see what can be sorted out.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Elizabeth | 2010/09/30

Low self esteem.

Reply to Elizabeth
Posted by: G | 2010/09/30

If you are so stupid " to like the good part of him" , the stay, and let him clobber you whenever he wants to.

I don''t know what is wrong with women like you that think it is ok to be treated badly.

Reply to G
Posted by: Soul | 2010/09/30

Me do yourself a favour and buy this book it is an eye opener. Author Gavin de Becker, Title The gift of fear.

You are headed for a world of pain, don''t marry him all the signs are there avoid it while you can, read the book.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Purple | 2010/09/30

Men who abuse their wives give off signals long before marriage is even being considered.
These signals are play flightsing very roughly and telling her to stop being a baby when he hurts her (yes, healthy couples might rough and tumble a bit in play but they stop if someone gets hurt).
I" d say that pretending to hit you falls into that category.
Why would someone find that funny anyway, its just stupid.

A man who feels threatened by a woman because he feels inferior to her reacts in an attacking way - such as what you describe with the cooldrink and speed hump and about the driving. Men who feel inferior use their superior physical strength to " prove"  that they are superior - this is a big red alert of abuse to come - starting of with mental abuse and derrogatory comments and physically later.

Get rid of him while you still can.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/30

I"m not aware of having failed to respond to ANy posting in the last 10myears or more. But this week I had yet another vvery long power cut, because the Tshwane municipality is utterly incapable of keeping the lights on in a capital city.
Yes, pretending to hit someone, while not quite physical abuse, not only can lead to accidental blows, but is disrespectful at the least.
These are all signs suggesting that this is not likely to become a lasting and happy relationship for you, and you should reconsider it. On the other hand, considering some of the horrifically abusive and vicious things some couples do to each other, at least this is currently at the level of disrespect. Marriage really doesn't sound like a great idea, does it ?

If you both actually do want to to ahead with this, at least make sure you work with a couples counsellor to see what can be sorted out.

Reply to cybershrink

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