advertisement
Question
Posted by: maxwell | 2012/03/12

so much to deal with

hi doc,

i''ve posted here before, and once again need your help.

I''ve recently come of my anti-depressants (going onto 1.5 months now that i''m off it) and i''m feeling fine. i''ve been having some relationship issues and i''m not sure how to deal with it.

i''m gay and my boyfriend and i have been going out for quite sometime now and i love and care for him deeply.

i''ve been under a lot of stress lately, not only at work, in my relationship, and in the bedroom, and some of my friendships too have been taking a beating.

the problem i have at the moment is that my boyfriend thinks that i am not attracted to him or that he does not satisfy me (because i sometimes go flacid). this happened once before and it completely ruined intimacy. now there is this " expectation"  that has been set. i previously have had trust issues and with being on anti-depressants, it also affected my sex life and i would never climax. now that i''m off the meds and i have climaxed with him, the " flacid"  situation is making things worse.

also, i''ve had to write off some of my friends to keep the peace at home. he always encourages me to talk to him, but when i mention some of my friends, he immediately becomes defensive. for example, i can''t meet another guy friend for coffee just to chat. now i''ve tried to arrange a meet-and-greet for all of us, but my boyfriend just does not like my friend. so i can''t imagine us sitting around a table and being uncomfortable.

my boyfriend has also had some issues with himself, not thinking he is attractive enough, not successful enough, and just not really happy with everything. this makes it increasingly difficult for me to manage and for me to remain happy < <  i need to be happy and have a stable environment now that i''m off my meds.

thing is, i really don''t know what to do. i don''t know how to make him feel that he is great/successful/attractive (more than what i''m doing now), i don''t know how to deal with sex situation (yes, we talk, but he still doesn''t believe me), and the friendship write-offs is really breaking me down... i need my friends. i''m also under an immense financial stress right now, and having to stay indoors isn''t helping things. there''s just so much going on.

please help me here. i will really appreciate any form of advice.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Nothing messes up erections ( or climaxes ) like anxiety about getting one.
If your boyfriend is troubled by feeling unattractive, unsuccessful, and so on, maybe he should be encouraged to seek individual counselling to clear up these issues ; it can't be purely your job to try to boost his morale ; this could be like pumping air into a tyre that has a hole in it - an energetic task, but rarely successful.
Its not clear how his pressure on you to stay home affects your financial problems - if it means no parties / clubs, drunks, it'd save money even if boring ; it it prevents you from going to work, it'd be ridiculous.
Otherwise, couples counselling, surely ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/13

Nothing messes up erections ( or climaxes ) like anxiety about getting one.
If your boyfriend is troubled by feeling unattractive, unsuccessful, and so on, maybe he should be encouraged to seek individual counselling to clear up these issues ; it can't be purely your job to try to boost his morale ; this could be like pumping air into a tyre that has a hole in it - an energetic task, but rarely successful.
Its not clear how his pressure on you to stay home affects your financial problems - if it means no parties / clubs, drunks, it'd save money even if boring ; it it prevents you from going to work, it'd be ridiculous.
Otherwise, couples counselling, surely ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/03/12

Couples councelling ASAP

Reply to Obvious

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement