Our expert says:
Gut felings are not always accurate and currect, so its not wise to always assume them to be entirely correct. But they're right often enough to be worth properly checking out.
I think you're right that this sort of behaviour is often not seen by the perp as unloving, nor as contradicting or diminishing his love for his spouse - but they consider the act of chatting up others online and by similar indirect means, not to be really serious or unfaithful. They often work out a definition of cheating for themselves by which whatever they're doing isn't actually cheating. very convenient, of course.
"Confrontation" is hugely over-valued in current psychobabble, and rarely as useful as the quacks suggest. But talking about what is goign wrong and about why it so upsets you, need not be confrontationl, though frank, and strong encouragement towards counselling which provides a safer setting for facing the issues, is often useful.
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