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Question
Posted by: Kerry | 2012/08/14

So he''s cheating on his Blackberry...What to do now???

Posted something here a little while back...

Well...sad to say, I discovered my husbands secretive behaviour with his phone has proven that he IS chatting to a women.

Many people on here told me my gut feeling was right that..but i didnt want to believe it. I suspected this for so long, but believed all his lies when confronting him.

I dont believe he is unhappy with me or at home, but wants the best of both worlds - loving,stable,supportive wife and someone on the side. And his massive ego is just loving having all of this and getting away with it!

I dont know to what extent he is cheating yet...not sure if they have met, had sex, or are just having a relationship via BBM. Either way, its unacceptable!!!!

He is very careful and guards his phone and password protects it most of the time.

What do i do next? Threaten to leave him if he doesnt own up? Threaten to expose him to all his friends/family as a cheater?
Insist on counselling?

They say you need alot of proper evidence before confronting a cheater as they will always find a way out of it and seems like lying has become 2nd nature to him.

Cant believe the SOB has put me in this situation after all the love &  years I have given him! I feel absolutely SICK!

Any guidance on what to do next is greatly appreciated!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gut felings are not always accurate and currect, so its not wise to always assume them to be entirely correct. But they're right often enough to be worth properly checking out.
I think you're right that this sort of behaviour is often not seen by the perp as unloving, nor as contradicting or diminishing his love for his spouse - but they consider the act of chatting up others online and by similar indirect means, not to be really serious or unfaithful. They often work out a definition of cheating for themselves by which whatever they're doing isn't actually cheating. very convenient, of course.
"Confrontation" is hugely over-valued in current psychobabble, and rarely as useful as the quacks suggest. But talking about what is goign wrong and about why it so upsets you, need not be confrontationl, though frank, and strong encouragement towards counselling which provides a safer setting for facing the issues, is often useful.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ings | 2012/08/16

I could not prove my husband was cheating and confronting him did not help either... I googled cellphone spyware....check it out... Caught him out within Hours of installing.... I could see all the messages between him and her, even the deleted... He had to admit it, and I had my proof..... I still do not understand, why he stayed if he did not want to be with me and why he lied to me about what he was doing...Its pretty sick... and Im glad I got him out of my life....

Reply to Ings
Posted by: mickey | 2012/08/16

Hi Kerry, i am going through the same thing at the moment, He has staring deleting his BBM messages, i have now found a way to catch him and check his deleted messages,you need to get hold of his phone, go into blackberry where the contacts are press the blackberry button on the left scrole down to options a heading CHATS will come up scroll to the bottom to save history
u will see an off button click on it and go to device and save.
wait for a day after you have done it then go into his BBM contacts scrole to the person u want to check it will be highlighted click bbm button aND GO TO VIEW HISTORY and open it ., the messages will come up..... GOOD LUCK

Reply to mickey
Posted by: PJP | 2012/08/15

Give him enough rope - he will hang himself.

Reply to PJP
Posted by: MaFlo | 2012/08/15

My husband is cheating on Face book and when I confronted him he apologised and said he was just fooling around and he never meant any harm I beleived him, but am still wondering if he is lying to me. He was chatting to about 6 women and was asking them to meet him somewhere, but I think if you want to stay married you look the other way, if you will confront him all the time then you might as well leave him because once a cheat, always a cheat...

Reply to MaFlo
Posted by: Just Saying! | 2012/08/15

You sound like a walk over , take charge of your life and put your foot down, he is treating you like a option and tell him straight why do you look for ways to adress the issue,
he is cheating finish and klaar and give him a choice,, he can not have both you and the other woman in his life.

Dont wait for better days and start to love yourself enough to stand your ground and tell him hell no not on my watch dear.

I threshold for cheaters is very thin. and you are his wife and just remember it is not the other womans fault , she propably does not know he is married,
your problem is right in front of you why wait to sort it out.

Reply to Just Saying!
Posted by: Sandy | 2012/08/15

Why don''t you accept the other woman, that way he''ll be happy and so will you.

Reply to Sandy
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/08/14

Why not become one of the other women on BBM.Then when you confront him you will have all the evidence u need?

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Mpho | 2012/08/14

I say trust your gut feeling, I learned the hard way. My SOB husband cheating started sending bbm''s and locking his cell. My suspesions were proven when I read the bbms. follow your gut and do whatever necessary to get the truth.

Reply to Mpho
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/14

Gut felings are not always accurate and currect, so its not wise to always assume them to be entirely correct. But they're right often enough to be worth properly checking out.
I think you're right that this sort of behaviour is often not seen by the perp as unloving, nor as contradicting or diminishing his love for his spouse - but they consider the act of chatting up others online and by similar indirect means, not to be really serious or unfaithful. They often work out a definition of cheating for themselves by which whatever they're doing isn't actually cheating. very convenient, of course.
"Confrontation" is hugely over-valued in current psychobabble, and rarely as useful as the quacks suggest. But talking about what is goign wrong and about why it so upsets you, need not be confrontationl, though frank, and strong encouragement towards counselling which provides a safer setting for facing the issues, is often useful.

Reply to cybershrink

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