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Posted by: nn | 2010/03/02

So heart sore and do not know who i am anymore

Right now my head is so messed up. I am a strong woman but I right now I feel so weak and worthless. I was dating a guy 16 yrs my senior for 5 months. He got divorced a month before I met him. At first it was great but then he started going out on his own without me, getting drunk and then begging for forgiveness the next day. Because of his divorce, he did not trust women and had a lot of issues. I agreed to be patient and he agreed to work on his issues. I really did try my best and I gave him everything that I could. he told me he did not want a serious relationship because he had just come out of a painful one. I said that I understand and I besides I do not want anything serious at this moment in my life. But he was quick to tell me where I could and couldn’ t go and which of my girlfriends I was allowed to go out with. He even used to go through my phone and question my friends on Face book. He is 41 and I am 25. Oh and he slept with his ex wife 2 days before xmas and she told me about it 2 weeks later. I decided to forgive him for that. ok so anyway we broke up a month ago because he went fishing and I decided to go clubbing with a girl friend from work. After the whole cheating thing I just needed to get out and forget about it just for one night. He did not like me going out and accussed me of cheating and taking drugs and so on. Needless to say I did not land up going out that weekend and yet he still broke up with me. Ok a week after that we were still in contact and he called me the one day to come and visit him so we could talk. He bought us some dinner to eat and everything. So I got to his house and he was not there. I kept on calling him for an hour and then he finally texted me to say that it was not a good idea that we see each other. I was upset because he made me go all the way to his house to then only tell me that he did not want to see me. His excuse is that his head is all messed up right now and he needs some space because the issues from his divorce are really affecting him. He says that I am the best thing that has happened to him since his divorce. I decided last week to send him a long heart felt email telling him that I am going to carry on with my life because I cannot wait for him to sort his head out. And the worst part is that I have no hate r anger towards him. I am just full of so much hurt. I did not get a reply to my email. So in Sunday he sent me a message saying he is sorry and that he decided never to contact me again after he read that email I sent him, hence he still contacted me on Sunday. Why would he not want to contact me and then contact me???? He says he is relieved that I do not hate him. And it kills him to know that I still hurt. I just do not know what to do anymore. I am so depressed. I cry myself to sleep at night, cry when I wake up in the morning. Cry on the way to work, cry at work. I am so heart broken and I miss him so much. I cannot concentrate at work. And I work in a very stressful environment where I need to be at my best all the time. This is affecting my work and my whole life. I am a strong and confident person. Now I feel worthless and I cannot find any reason to smile. I am so confused with myself and do not know which way to turn.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

One of the warnings that should be poseted widely on bill-boards is : Be VERY cautious about entering a relationship when either party has recently broken up another relationship.
And although the person you meet may have been the entirely innocent party, they are more likely to have habits and behaviours that were at least part of the reason for their divorce or break-up.
And if his "issues" persist, then he needas professional help to work through them.
And as soon as your pal starts telling you what you can and cannot do, or who you can or cannot see, refuse to accept such over-control.
All you say confirms that he was not and is not yet ready to form any other relationship, and needs to see his own counsellor and sort out his stuf.
Meanwhile, for you to be weeping so much over a relationship you must have known from the start was dodgy and chancy, is unrealistic too, and suggests you may benefit from seeing your own counsellor


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: peter | 2010/03/03

He''s using you, plain and simple. Don''t be fooled or manipulated to think otherwise. Women should not be fooled in thinking a guy with such a big age is there because he loves you and will make his wife and live happily ever after, the amount of relationships with age age gaps like that, that actually last are so few, that the chances are about 99% that you will land up being hurt. Leave him and move on

Reply to peter
Posted by: Shargal | 2010/03/02

U know u my age,life should be about clubbing,saving for your future,meeting a guy that can treat you like a queen so to say.

I have an well off uncle so to say,who is a creep,a cheat and a scum back.He prefers dating younger gals.

Here are his reasons 4 dat :
Younger gals are more vulnerable,easily controlled,convinced and more forgiving,he is old but trusts me I he gets every gal he wants .

Do urself a favour move on,dont call him no matter how hard,U mean nothing 2 him,u were a rebound ,a doormat and you made a mis judgement,this man is not hurt by ure hurting,he cares not for you but your young body and company when he is stressed.

Do u know the reasons he IS divorced?LET IT BE A LESSON,NEVER DATE REBOUNDS ESP FROM DIVORCES .

U ARE YOUNG,BEAUTIFUL,VIBRANT AND AN INTELLECT,I CAN PICK IT UP FROM WHAT U HAVE WRITTEN,MOVE ON AND DNT ALLOW ANY ONE TO EVER USE U,MAKE U FEEL DEPRESSED AND TAKE OUT THE JOY OF BEING YOUNG.

HE IS A CREEP,AND CARES FOR NO ONE BUT HIMSELF AND HIS PENIS.

GUDLUCK AND DO WRITE IN WHEN U MEET A WONDERFUL CARING YOUNG GUY.

Reply to Shargal
Posted by: HP | 2010/03/02

What do you want from a guy who is older than you he was marreid you were not and messing you around. If he doesnt sleep with you he sleep with his ex or whatever. You wont win this one you are just wasting your energy. There is n need to cry for love here go and search it somewhere.

Reply to HP
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/02

One of the warnings that should be poseted widely on bill-boards is : Be VERY cautious about entering a relationship when either party has recently broken up another relationship.
And although the person you meet may have been the entirely innocent party, they are more likely to have habits and behaviours that were at least part of the reason for their divorce or break-up.
And if his "issues" persist, then he needas professional help to work through them.
And as soon as your pal starts telling you what you can and cannot do, or who you can or cannot see, refuse to accept such over-control.
All you say confirms that he was not and is not yet ready to form any other relationship, and needs to see his own counsellor and sort out his stuf.
Meanwhile, for you to be weeping so much over a relationship you must have known from the start was dodgy and chancy, is unrealistic too, and suggests you may benefit from seeing your own counsellor


Reply to cybershrink

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