Posted by: Vanessa | 2009-04-23

so guilty

Hi. I left my bf last weekend, and I' m feeling so unbelievably guilty as he was financially dependent on me. He' s not going to be able to even buy food or anything. He stays with his mom, but I helped them each month by buying food and toiletries for their household. I' m sure that they' ll both suffer now. I know my decision was best for me, as he was very mentally abusive and domineering, and I' m content to be alone, but I feel terrible for doing this at this time, with him unemployed and all that. My mother says that I only feel bad because it' s " battered woman' s syndrome" . Any ideas how I can overcome the guilt? I don' t want to go back to him but I' m scared that I' m going to just because I feel responsible for him.

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Our expert says:
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I could understand you feeling sorry for the mom, who may also be treated badly by him. But do not feel guilty about leaving an abuser. If he's hungry, let him work hard to get a job. He should have remembered the old saying about not biting the hand that feeds one. Battered Woman Syndrome does not exist. But abusive partners, especially those who specialize in mental abuse, are expert and teaching you to assume that everything is your fault and that you should even feel guilty for what THEY do. YOU are NOT responsible for him --- it is he who is not sufficiently responsible for himself

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