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Question
Posted by: Post 1003 | 2011-05-29

Sleepless &  Controlfreak

Hi, thanks for the advice. I am seeing a therapist 2 weekly and just had a long session with my Dr last week. But, we did not get to the sleeping problem. Work was the main topic. Can you suggest any sleeping tablet? The Rivotril was prescribed mainly for anxiety. My revious posts were control freak (Colleague taking over my project). Maybe this puts things into perspective. If only I can only have 8 hours sleep straight. Do I go and see my Dr again about the sleep or do you think it is not serious? Some nights I take 3 Stilnox and still wake up at 3am. With the Rivotril and Spasmend. I have a performance appraisal coming up and I know what my manager is going to say: I am too negative. I want to give her some constructive critiscism. I am wondering if one of my colleagues does not run to her and tell her what I say on the phone. How can she hear what I am saying when her door is closed? Tonight I feel like taking my own life and letting them struggle with the project. Because I know my meddling colleague will not cope. I feel hopeless. How can I walk in there tomorrow morning knowing what was said to me on Friday. I am a perfectionist and don''t take criticism well. I won''t do it, because I''ve got 2 dogs to take care of. But I wish I could leave them to sort out the mess. But on the other hand, I want to be in control. I feel hopeless and desperate. I am trying to stay positive. But it is difficult. I feel I need to see my therapist more often now. Should I call my Dr or go and see him. Or should I just wait for the Insomnia to pass? I feel frustrated, because some parts of the project is beyond my control, we are dependant from an independent contractor who is not doing his job and everything is going wrong. I feel so frustrated. I am doing better with my colleague, he has distanced himself from my project because her realised I gave him the worst sites. I don''t really know what I want you to say? But some advice on the sleeping would be helpful. Please be assured I am properly managed with medication and CBT. I someone in the office is running to my manager with stories about me I need to let it stop - it just makes me wonder how she could hear my conversation with closed doors. And my male colleague was not there. But they say the worst things about her. I feel I want to hurt them the way they hurt me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Obviously you do need to discuss this with your doc. I suspet part of the problem is that, as a dedicated and skilled control freak, you are trying fiercely to control sleep. And that doesn't work. Indeed, sleep involves letting go of control, and leting it happen. You may indeed find that if you do all the usual helpful things ( no caffeine or other stimulants after 4 pm, no alcohol, avoiding arousal or stimulation as you approach sleep, comfortable bed, warm milky drinks, ec. ) if you then go to bed and try very hard indeed to stay awake ; not panicking about finding yourself still awake after a few minutes (" "Lordy, I will never every get to sleep, and then I'll mess up everything tomorrow, and then ... and then ") but saying "5 minutes and still aake ? That's NOTHING - let's go for 30 minutes" you may find that you fall asleep while trying to stay awake.
I undersand the impulse to retaliate, but stooping to the level of anyone who might be trying to harm you demeans you and too easily satisfies the bad guys.
If the office really is such a hotbed of intrigue and backbiting, it musty be really, really badly managed. Maybe the others think fo it more as a sport and don't take it all as seriously as you do?
Insomnia is a problem which grows the more attention you pay to it, and fades the more you can ignore it.
Confrontation is over-valued. As Maria says, let this person review your reports and find them splendid, and get bored with the process. And maybe just say calmly, that in your experience its very unusual at this level for such draft reports to be reviewed, you're curious if there is any specific aspect about these that is worrying her, so you can deal with it in advance ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

6
Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2011-05-31

Project management is not a suitable career for a bipolar person - too much stress, this will end in tears.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Maria | 2011-05-30

Let her review it. If your reports are of high quality she will soon get bored of looking at them and return to the normal procedure. It''s really not worth it to make a fuss over this request.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Sleepless &  Conrolfreak | 2011-05-30

Now my manager wants to review every single report I submit! Controlling. It has never been procedure for a person in SA to review your report before it goes to the overseas client. Suddenly this decicion. Do I confront her about it, or do I just do as she says? This place is driving me crazy.

Reply to Sleepless &amp  Conrolfreak
Posted by: Post 1003 | 2011-05-30

This Project is fa=r too important for my career than to just let it go and take sick leave. And if you read my posts about my colleage taking over my project you would agree that the best thing would be to stay right here where he can not worm himself into my project any further. The fact that he is getting recignition for work that I have done is already very frustrating. We are at a very crucual part of the project and I want to make it a success. I don''t want to say, sorry, I can''t cope - you carry on. Because in future they will say hey, Controlfreak could not cope on her project so we won''t give her one again. But, Mr Smooth took over and look what a wonderful job he did, we will give him more responsibility and promote him over Ms Controlfreak. In the meantime, the project will be a success, because I have worked very hard on it and everything is in place for the last step. No, I won''t give them the satisfaction of taking sick leave. And I won''t leave my project in that little twits hands, because he will just ruin it.

Reply to Post 1003
Posted by: Truth | 2011-05-30

Why not take a week or 2 sick leave - you seem overly invested in your work . Some distance may give you some perspective which you seem to lack at present?

Reply to Truth
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-05-30

Obviously you do need to discuss this with your doc. I suspet part of the problem is that, as a dedicated and skilled control freak, you are trying fiercely to control sleep. And that doesn't work. Indeed, sleep involves letting go of control, and leting it happen. You may indeed find that if you do all the usual helpful things ( no caffeine or other stimulants after 4 pm, no alcohol, avoiding arousal or stimulation as you approach sleep, comfortable bed, warm milky drinks, ec. ) if you then go to bed and try very hard indeed to stay awake ; not panicking about finding yourself still awake after a few minutes (" "Lordy, I will never every get to sleep, and then I'll mess up everything tomorrow, and then ... and then ") but saying "5 minutes and still aake ? That's NOTHING - let's go for 30 minutes" you may find that you fall asleep while trying to stay awake.
I undersand the impulse to retaliate, but stooping to the level of anyone who might be trying to harm you demeans you and too easily satisfies the bad guys.
If the office really is such a hotbed of intrigue and backbiting, it musty be really, really badly managed. Maybe the others think fo it more as a sport and don't take it all as seriously as you do?
Insomnia is a problem which grows the more attention you pay to it, and fades the more you can ignore it.
Confrontation is over-valued. As Maria says, let this person review your reports and find them splendid, and get bored with the process. And maybe just say calmly, that in your experience its very unusual at this level for such draft reports to be reviewed, you're curious if there is any specific aspect about these that is worrying her, so you can deal with it in advance ?

Reply to cybershrink

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