advertisement
Question
Posted by: lala | 2010/10/25

Skoonma

Goeiedag. My skoonma meng gedurig in my en my man se geldsake in. Hulle leen deesdae elke maand geld by ons, maar gee dit terug. Dit is nie sover ''n probleem nie, alhoewel ek besef dit kan raak. Die ding wat my omkrap is dat sy gedurig by ons geld vra vir haar broer, maar nie om te leen nie maar om te gee. En dan bel sy en vra vir kos en sigarette ook vir hom. Probleem is dat sy ons beskinder (haar eie seun) by die res van die familie en sê  dat ons jok as ons nie altyd gee vir hom nie. Die man is al gewoond om op ander se rug te ry en ek is siek en sat daarvoor. My man kan nie opstaan vir homself en hy gee net en doen as sy ma sê  spring. Ek en my man is maar 25jaar oud, ek voel dat ons nog aan ''n toekoms bou. Is dit lelik van my om vies te raak vir sy ma se " demands"  en wat kan ek doen dat hy begin opstaan vir homself en ophou dat sy ma ons voorskryf wat om met ons geld te doen. Hy het ''n ouer broer, maar sy ma sal hom nie bel vir geld want hy sal weier. Hoe moet ek en my man my skoonma hanteer, het u raad asb?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why does she feel you should support her brother ? Can't he support himself ? And if he has needs, why can't he be man enough to discuss it with you, rather than expecting her to do the begging for him ? And if he actually needs and deserves help and support and is absolutely unable to work and support himself, why does she gossip to the rest of the family, rather than getting them to share the burden ?
And of course you're right, that these should never be Demands, but requests, with full recognition that you have the right to accept or refuse them. As you observe, she doesn't even bother to call the older brother because she knows he is sensible and assertive enough to refuse. Learn his methods and do likewise.
Maybe rather invest jointly in some marriage counselling sessions to learn how to be assertive in thwe face of this unfair pressure.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Barbararounty | 2011/02/08

Reply to Barbararounty
Posted by: Liza | 2010/10/25

Persoonlik dink ek dat jou man moet leer om nee te se. Gesels met hom en se vir hom dat jy nie meer kans sien vir jou skoonma se dinge nie. Na die derde opeenvolgende keer wat skoonma die woord Nee hoor, sal sy ophou vra.

Ongelukkig beteken hierdie omstandighede dat jy en jou man moet saamstem oor hoe om dit te hanteer. As jy se nee, en hy se ja, gaan dinge net eenvoudig nie uitwerk nie.

Sterkte
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/25

Why does she feel you should support her brother ? Can't he support himself ? And if he has needs, why can't he be man enough to discuss it with you, rather than expecting her to do the begging for him ? And if he actually needs and deserves help and support and is absolutely unable to work and support himself, why does she gossip to the rest of the family, rather than getting them to share the burden ?
And of course you're right, that these should never be Demands, but requests, with full recognition that you have the right to accept or refuse them. As you observe, she doesn't even bother to call the older brother because she knows he is sensible and assertive enough to refuse. Learn his methods and do likewise.
Maybe rather invest jointly in some marriage counselling sessions to learn how to be assertive in thwe face of this unfair pressure.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement