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Question
Posted by: Sandy | 2010/04/18

Skinderbek in denial

hi
I have an alcoholic friend in active addiction who has an absolute obsession talking about friends with addiction problems. If anyone is drunk/high, she makes a point of informing others, if someone might have a problem, she discusses this with everyone, always ''out of concern''. If someone goes for treatment, she also mentions it to others.

I guess this is purely a projection and an attempt to divert attention away from herself. In my opinion, these discussions ''out of concern'' ONLY harm the person. I have tried to speak to her about it on several occassions and she doesn''t regard this as ''skinder'' but as ''concern''. In my opinion, such discussions are only concern if the aim is to help the other person, which it seldom is because she doesn''t go beyond merely talking about it behind the person''s back. Am I right?

Now that she is finally considering rehab (this is as a result of several ultimatums by friends), she insists that it should be a secret. But in the same breath, she will mention that this person has gone to rehab, that one goes to NA etc etc - out of ''admiration''.

I also think that such breach of confidence, could jeapardise others'' recovery - am I right?

I would really appreciate your advice.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It does sound rather like projection, doesn't it ? Have you seized on her passion for "discussion" to tell her that so far as yopu can see these "discussions" of hers are of no help to others, and often harm them, and are not of help to her either, diverting attention away from issues she needs to deal with with her own counsellor. And remind her that though she needs rehab, she cannot expect it to be kep a great secret, when she has so strenuously denied this secrecy to others. Tell her to atend to her own business, and become admirable herself

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/19

It does sound rather like projection, doesn't it ? Have you seized on her passion for "discussion" to tell her that so far as yopu can see these "discussions" of hers are of no help to others, and often harm them, and are not of help to her either, diverting attention away from issues she needs to deal with with her own counsellor. And remind her that though she needs rehab, she cannot expect it to be kep a great secret, when she has so strenuously denied this secrecy to others. Tell her to atend to her own business, and become admirable herself

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