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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/02/10

Skinder stories

Why does it hurt so much when people say ugly things about you behind your back? These people aren' t even the most important people in my life, they don' t even know me, yet what they have said has made me feel so bad, I don' t even want to work here anymore. I know now by what they have said, that I stand out in the office, and not in a good way. I won' t even be able to go to the bathroom any more without feeling bad because I know what they are thinking. I know that they are laughing behind my back, about something that can' t be changed - their opinion.

My self-esteem is as low as they come as it is, how do I obtain that " water off a duck' s back"  attitude?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Certainly it's unpleasant - wouldn't it be weird if it didn't bother us at all ? But if they don't know you at all, then whatever they're saying isn't valid or important ( and presumably you have only heard this from someone else, who may have their own motives for telling you this ? )
Maybe we need more actual details to understand the situation you're in. If what they're saying is just untrue, catty and rude, why would they bother to say it at all ?
Is there an HR person o Department you can discuss this with ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Shargal | 2010/02/14

U are normal,they jelous dat u are young vibrant and going places.be strong and no matter how much they get to u,DNT SHW IT.They want u to break so u can resiign and stop being a threat nd competition to dem.

I have been in dat situation before and the messenger always got shot,coz if she cared she wudnt report all dz bad skinder 2 me.i am now in a senior position nd some have come around as i told the i am unshakable and unstoppable.greater is he that is in me than in the one in the world.MT GOD IS GUD.

Reply to Shargal
Posted by: Anon | 2010/02/11

Our company isn' t very big, so consider me the HR dept. And I know for a fact what was said, as I recieved a forwarded mail from someone in the office, and saw it for myself. The other day someone in the office made a comment about how a few years ago, a lady that used to work here, thought I was weird, because of the way I dress??? I let it go, the lady hasn' t been working here for a good year or two. Then I got this forwarded mail, where another lady, who also used to work here a while back, was saying that I was the weirdest person she knows, and one of my co-workers, a friend of hers and mine, replied with a " Ha-ha-ha" . I was so upset, because these people don' t even know me and they' re calling me weird. And I don' t see how it has anything to do with the way I dress?? I wear office clothes (sometimes, my stuff is a little more colourful, as I am still young). So what gets me is what makes me SO WEIRD that people who don' t even know me, who have never even spoken to me, feel the need to talk about me being weird in their mails???? What' s so wrong with me??? I thought I was normal.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/10

Certainly it's unpleasant - wouldn't it be weird if it didn't bother us at all ? But if they don't know you at all, then whatever they're saying isn't valid or important ( and presumably you have only heard this from someone else, who may have their own motives for telling you this ? )
Maybe we need more actual details to understand the situation you're in. If what they're saying is just untrue, catty and rude, why would they bother to say it at all ?
Is there an HR person o Department you can discuss this with ?

Reply to cybershrink

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