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Question
Posted by: Yolande | 2010/04/18

Skinder risk

Hi, I have a close friend who is a huge skinderbek and has absolutely no sense of confidentiality. She talks about everything to everyone, from relationship difficulties, to who has STIs to who is a bad parent. It is always ''out of concern'' for the other person. Her favourite topic is substance abuse. If someone is drunk/high at a party, she will make sure that everyone know. If someone has a problem, you can bet that she will discuss this with everyone. If someone is in recovery, she will announce that she is so proud that this person went to rehab or is attending fellowship meetings. To me, such things are private and that it is the person in recovery''s right to disclose to whom and when it feels right. In fact, I think that such breach of confidence behind a person''s back could in fact be harmful for someone''s recovery.

I am really furious about this and have spoken to her about these ''concern talks'' on several occasions. To me, it is only out of a genuine concern if the purpose is to help the other person. Am I right? I think she causes more harm than good and that it is more her own issues and for her own benefit than it is to benefit those in need of intervention or support.

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Our expert says:
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Your friend suffers from low self-esteem and thinks that by sharing confidential information about other people, she's increasing her social currency.

Her faux concern about people borders on hypocrisy and she's probably projecting her own dark secrets into those around her.

When it comes to indiscreetly discussing people in recovery, you'll often find that those skinder bekke are often in denial about their own addictions.

In the rooms there is a saying: "What other people think of me is none of my business."

So let her go ahead and gossip as much as she wants to, it will only make her look puerile and pedestrian.

You could consider talking to her (diplomatically) about it or simply ignore her and don't give her any more space in your head.

She doesn't sound like she's worth it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Addictions Expert Forum | 2010/04/18

Your friend suffers from low self-esteem and thinks that by sharing confidential information about other people, she's increasing her social currency.

Her faux concern about people borders on hypocrisy and she's probably projecting her own dark secrets into those around her.

When it comes to indiscreetly discussing people in recovery, you'll often find that those skinder bekke are often in denial about their own addictions.

In the rooms there is a saying: "What other people think of me is none of my business."

So let her go ahead and gossip as much as she wants to, it will only make her look puerile and pedestrian.

You could consider talking to her (diplomatically) about it or simply ignore her and don't give her any more space in your head.

She doesn't sound like she's worth it.

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