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Question
Posted by: anon | 2012/04/30

situation

My husband has arranged a golfing weekend with 3 other couples, he plays a regular 4 ball with these guys, and he said it would be nice to get away and play Sabi, and our wives can meet our friends and there wives, he also brought home 1 of those 4 ball photos of the guys, and I noticed the 1 guy who my husband calls by a nick name is my gynaecologist, whom I have just seen, but due to bad smear have a follow up with the day before we leave. My husband has no idea that he is my gynae, or that I even see a male gynaecologist, I never mention it, because he is quite possessive, and I had my children with a female gynae who immigrated and referred me to my current doc, whom I have been seen for 8 years now, but never told my husband she left, I never lied, just didnt disclose. Now I have a dilemma, the weekend is booked, I was looking forward to it, until he brought that photo home, now I dont know what to do, It will also be awkward for me sharing a house with my gynaecologist for the weekend, I am sitting on a time bomb, any suggestions

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Only a Neanderthal husband would object to his wife seing a male gynae - males are still, I think, the majority of gynaes. And I don't suppose you would have had any particular reason to discuss this with your husband, or name your gynae its just not the sort of thing people do !
And if anything, it'd be more up to your gynae, on seeing you, to perhaps recognize the name and address or area, and ask if your husband might be X, his golfing buddy.
Don't catatrophize - have a quiet chat with your husband, saying you hadn't realized until you saw the picture, that one of his pals is your gynae. Mention that you'd find this a bit embarrassing, and discuss how you as a couple might deal with this.

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Our users say:
Posted by: B | 2012/04/30

Phone you gynie''s rooms on Wednesday and tell the receptionist you are due to see him socially on the weekend and you would appreciate if he would not let on that you see him professionally - you can mention it will be difficult for your husband. He will keep mum. On the other hand he is also just human and view him as a person not a doctor on the weekend and you both can enjoy the weekend.

Reply to B
Posted by: Hayi | 2012/04/30

I also don''t see what the big issue is - it''s just a job. If your dentist was also going to be there would it be an issue? So what''s the difference with this doc. Unless you have a secret crush on him. When he is examining you he sees a job - the question is what do you see.....

Reply to Hayi
Posted by: just saying | 2012/04/30

your doctor probably sees too many women everyday to remember you, even if he does, he is a doctor, it''s his job, it''s what he does, and you needed a doctor, and you went to him because he is a doctor. why would your husband be jealous? or why would you feel uncomfortable. why is this a big deal? unless there is some underhanded behaviour there?

Reply to just saying
Posted by: Maria | 2012/04/30

Very tough one. I''m sure the gynae will be very professional about it and not mention the fact that you''re his patient, but it is very awkward. I think you have to level with your husband. Most gynaes are male anyway, just tell him this doc was recommended by your old doc if he has an issue. I used to see a female gynae who I really disliked, she had no sympathy. Then I switched to a male gynae on the recommendation of another doc, I was very anxious about it but he is a lovely man.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/04/30

Only a Neanderthal husband would object to his wife seing a male gynae - males are still, I think, the majority of gynaes. And I don't suppose you would have had any particular reason to discuss this with your husband, or name your gynae its just not the sort of thing people do !
And if anything, it'd be more up to your gynae, on seeing you, to perhaps recognize the name and address or area, and ask if your husband might be X, his golfing buddy.
Don't catatrophize - have a quiet chat with your husband, saying you hadn't realized until you saw the picture, that one of his pals is your gynae. Mention that you'd find this a bit embarrassing, and discuss how you as a couple might deal with this.

Reply to cybershrink

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