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Question
Posted by: hestia | 2010-05-13

sister''s child

My sister and her child moved back to our house when he was about 6 months old. Her husband and her got divorced when the child was about 1 year old. About 1 and a half years ago she started dating again. her son is now 4 years old. She still live in our house. Recently she started to go to her boyfriends house on Fridays and then only return late Sunday afternoon and she takes her son with her. the problem is that he really does not want to go with her. He always begs to stay with us. Sometimes clinging so tide. I often give in and let him stay with me for that night and will then take him the following day to his mom. I can not do that everytime though. It seems to me that he want to be with his mom, however he does not want to go to the boyfriends house. I tried to find out why he does not want to go however he does not want to talk about it. When the boyfriend and his mom just started dating he always got exited to see him. This completely changed. He does not really care for the boyfriend anymore.
This weekend he said to me that I should have been his mother. Was not very sure how to react on that one
I want to suggest to my sister that she only goes every second week. Maybe he will not be that difficult to go with his mom. what do you suggest? or should I just stay out of this?
I asked her if she is planning to move soon and trying to make him used to not seeing us. According to her she will not move before the end of next year as she can not afford it now.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

We really need a social worker on this site, domn't we ? The boy initially liked hismother's new friend, but changed his mind when the relationship started to look permanent ? We don't know what might have happened at the man's home during his visits there with his mom - any number of things may have upset him. I'm pleased you're worried about this, but I'm bothered that the mother doesn't seem to be bothered. Sounds like the boy sees you as kind and caring, and his mother as much less so. Maybe he's right.
You need to discuss this with your sister, and to remind her of her duty to be more concerned about how her son is reacting to all this.
If her plans to move out are waiting for her own finances to improve, it doesn't sound as though she expects to move in with the boyfriend.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-05-13

We really need a social worker on this site, domn't we ? The boy initially liked hismother's new friend, but changed his mind when the relationship started to look permanent ? We don't know what might have happened at the man's home during his visits there with his mom - any number of things may have upset him. I'm pleased you're worried about this, but I'm bothered that the mother doesn't seem to be bothered. Sounds like the boy sees you as kind and caring, and his mother as much less so. Maybe he's right.
You need to discuss this with your sister, and to remind her of her duty to be more concerned about how her son is reacting to all this.
If her plans to move out are waiting for her own finances to improve, it doesn't sound as though she expects to move in with the boyfriend.

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