Our expert says:
smile. A difficult topic ? Dear BT, have you any other sort ? Some people have an awful need to be in the right, even when they're in the wrong. And I suppose she can't feel in the right unless someone new is persuaded to say so.
Your subbornness can indeed be a great strength, so long as you choose the right things to be stubborn about.
As you say, at least it seems the kids are safe with her, even if she doesn't really need to be quite so controlling. I think sometimes it becomes a version of the "boy who cried wolf" story - once on has let someone down more than once in a serious situation, they decide, consciously or unwittingly, fairly or unfairly, that its safer not to trust you. And it can take a really long series of good experiences of being trustworthy, before she dares to shift that opinion.
It's people who aren't always trustworthy, not especially family or men. But then, fortunately, they're not always untrustowrthy, either, The trick is to be able to distinguish between them and to tell the difference. My old mom used to say "The more I see of people, the more I love my dog. Even if I don't have a dog."
Nobody can "fix" a relationship that never existed - that's like that nonsense people talked about the need for "reconciliation" among the people of SA. How do you re-concile those who have never been conciled in the first place ? What was needed on that broader scale, as perhaps between you and your sister, is CONCILIATION, not reconciliation, not fixing the non-existent relationship, but looking to take small steps towards building one that can be more positive.
That she blames you, so unrealistically, for what your stepfather did, is sad, and a topic worth steering clear of for quite a while. Maybe at some level she feels guilty, for maybe not doing enough to help them, and prefers to convince herself it was your fault, to avoid blaming herself.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.