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Question
Posted by: Karlie | 2010-01-08

Sister Starting her nonsense again!!!!!!!!


Hi, how are you? How was India? I am writing to you on an issue I wrote to you about some time ago. It was about my older sister hanging out with this girl that is NOTHING but trouble, stealing from my mom, sister and granny, using me whenever she needed a lift or some money or something…  while her friend offers nothing. As my mom was working full time, she couldn’ t really keep an eye on things which is why my sister got away with so much sh!!!!t. Now last year my dad had enough and dragged my older sister (we’ ll call her Mel) to live with him. For the first few months, she was not allowed to leave the house unsupervised (and she is 24 years old). Mel wasn’ t allowed to see her trouble maker friend (we’ ll call the friend Kim), she had to do housework to earn her keep (my dad was giving her R500 a month pocket money). Now after some time, they let her start working in the office (she was earning over R1000 there and she never had to pay for rent- just her toiletries). They also let her spend alternative weekends with Kim. Now one would think that seeing as Mel was making some sort of effort to sort herself out, she’ s use some of her money to start paying back her debt. WRONG! According to my younger sister who lives with my dad, Mel asked her for money several times (amounting to almost R1000) because Mel keeps spending all her money on Kim! She buys Kim clothes and food (KFC and other take- aways) with her salary (and doesn’ t bother to even OFFER to start paying off the thousands she owes me). So my dad started reducing her privileges a bit which helped (apparently- I haven’ t seen her for months so I wouldn’ t know). And once she started sort of behaving again, my dad let her spend time with Kim again. My dad said he was getting annoyed with Mel because whenever he was ready to fetch her from Kim’ s house (which is about a 40 minute drive away), Mel would phone with a reason to stay a day or two longer. So they let her and apparently Mel was fine and almost like her old self when she was at my dad’ s house. Then on New Years I went to my dad’ s house and I learnt from my step mom and sister that while they were away from home for Christmas, Mel and Kim house sat. My dad gave them R1700 to house sit for 5 days, which they spend before my dad and them even came back from holiday. They also had use of my step mom’ s car (which had a full tank of petrol) and although the car was still ok, the petrol was ALL used. Then when my family came home, Mel and Kim asked my dad for money (can you believe Kim actually had the nerve to ask my dad for money???!!!) and they left to go to Kim’ s house. After they left, my parents discovered that Mel and Kim completely messed the house- they had dug in my one step sisters room, they had smoked and drank and eaten in my parents bed- they left food in the oven that (by the time it was discovered) was rotten and my poor dad had to clean it up! But they decided that they’ ll sort her out when she gets home. Mel and Kim were going to try make it on New Years day to my dad’ s house (he had a braai) but never quite made it. Then I found out from my dad today that she was supposed to be fetched on the Sunday but as my dad was leaving, she phoned saying that she is too scared to leave Kim alone because some guy that had apparently stolen her (Kim) dad’ s things was out to get revenge on her because they confronted him. Now if you know my sister and her friend, they hang out with the most unsavory characters and they lie about EVERYTHING (even things that are extremely petty and about deadly serious things- like for example they once lied about needing a lift somewhere when they could have just asked, and they lied about Kim being raped by some guy that they still go out and party with). So that was the straw that broke the camel’ s back and my dad basically told her if she is going to abuse the family and lie to us and treat us like crap and put her future and life at risk for one person, he doesn’ t want anything to do with her. So now I’ m not entirely sure where my sister is, and I know she and Kim don’ t have jobs so I’ m expecting them to call at any minute for money (Kim does not like me AT ALL so she wouldn’ t mind siphoning me for money). .. I am worried about her now. I shouldn’ t be- she’ s turning 25 in March, she has these stabs of guilt every now and again and SMS’ s everyone apologizing so she KNOWS that what she’ s doing is wrong! I mean, she even dumped my mom of Christmas in 2008 to run after Kim who went down to Durban!!!!!! She never even bothered to spend 35c of the R1700 to reply to my message wishing her merry Christmas this year, well last year. I am so angry at my sister for throwing her life away- she did well at school, my family liked her, she was popular, she was given the option to have her studies paid for by my uncle (neither my younger sister or me had that offer). My dad seems to think that maybe it was because he wasn’ t around as often as he should have been because of the divorce, but I think that’ s bull- there comes a time in everyone’ s life where you have to stop trying to blame things that happened in your teen years for the things that are happening now. My sister had way much more support than me- my family adored her and gave her things, she spent practically every weekend at her rich friends house having nice food while my younger sister and I had to eat whatever was around the house (because my mom and dad were struggling financially back then). I mean, my dad gave her a job, gave her a place to stay despite the things she’ s done…  I just don’ t know what to do. I have my own problems and I just can’ t handle this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Whew ! Feeling tired after working through this one !
The woman you are describing is a fool, and seems determined to prey on her family so as to be able to waste other people's money on her gredy friend. Nobody should lend or give her one cent - she is capable of working and earning enough to feed and house herself. And if she can't then aford to waste money on this person, what a good lesson that would be for her to learn !
Not only has she neer deserved all the family resources wasted on her and not on her sisters, but it has been damaging to her - she seems now to assume that the world owes her a living, and should pay for anything ( or anyone ) she fancies
Dont let ourself get tied up in bitterness over what went wrong in the past, but make sure you play no part in letting any of it continue to go wrong.
India was fascinating, with so many nice and hard-working people - we could learn so much from them and their society

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: mpho | 2010-01-11

your sister is probably a lesbian and a drug addict - they should get her tested!

Reply to mpho
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-01-08

Whew ! Feeling tired after working through this one !
The woman you are describing is a fool, and seems determined to prey on her family so as to be able to waste other people's money on her gredy friend. Nobody should lend or give her one cent - she is capable of working and earning enough to feed and house herself. And if she can't then aford to waste money on this person, what a good lesson that would be for her to learn !
Not only has she neer deserved all the family resources wasted on her and not on her sisters, but it has been damaging to her - she seems now to assume that the world owes her a living, and should pay for anything ( or anyone ) she fancies
Dont let ourself get tied up in bitterness over what went wrong in the past, but make sure you play no part in letting any of it continue to go wrong.
India was fascinating, with so many nice and hard-working people - we could learn so much from them and their society

Reply to cybershrink

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