Posted by: Exhausted | 2012-08-31

Sister-in-Law visiting, Bi polar husband moods

In a nutshell,
I have had my sister-in-law visiting from a african country up south for a whole month. Staying at my home. I am to soft hearted to tell my brother that 1 months stay is to long :-( She came beginning of August and he arrived middle August. My husband has bi polar, so, over and above dealing with a moody husband, a nephew with ADHD, my sister-in-law that thinks she runs my home.... How do I tell my brother in a diplomatic way that the next visit CANNOT be for soooo long. They can only stay for max 2 weeks. She doesn''t visit her family here in JHB because (I don''t exactly know) She is quite enstranged from them. Help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dont see it as soft-hearted versus hard-hearted. A month's stay is a burden for anyone, whoever the host or the stayer. Just say calmly and pleasantly to your brother that no stay longer than 1 week ( or 2, whatever your maximum tolerance level is ) can be accepted from now on, because it's just too disruptive and inconvenient for you. Maybe mention something similar to the sister-in-law, too. Remind them you have, with Bipolar and ADHD in the family, more than enough to deal with, without acepting such extra burdens. Offer to check out local B&B's and guest-houses for them, if they want to stay longer on their next visit.
And, indeed, why CAN'T she visit her own family in Joburg ? Maybe she over-stayed her welcomone there, too, and they just don't want to host her again.
One of course wants to be kindly and poilit - but assertive about such things. But if people ignore polite warnings and requests, then its fine to get less subtle and more firm.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Be the better person and do the right thing! | 2012-09-01

There is not much difference between 2 or 4 weeks.
Life is too short to upset family over 14 days,just bite the bullet and be a welcoming hostess for the extra 2 weeks - u will feel better at the end of the stay by doing the right thing than you ever will by cutting the stay down to a fortnite.

Reply to Be the better person and do the right thing!
Posted by: Maria | 2012-08-31

Next time he asks if she can come to stay then you say sure, she is welcome for 2 weeks. If he asks why then just say that it is a bit disruptive to your household to have guests for longer than that, you need your privacy and routines. They''re abusing your hospitality and usually being diplomatic with people who do that does not get the message across.

Reply to Maria

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