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Question
Posted by: Mpho | 2010-04-21

single parent struggling emotionally

I was with my fiance for about 4-5 years. last year we talked about having a baby, indeed i got pregnant and we were blessed with a beautifule baby. the problem is during my pregnancy, he changed, started cheating, acting funny and was not supportive at all. I have found msgs of women in his phone, i caught him with a woman at some point, he had apparently told the woman that he does have a baby, but i died in a car accident, just weeks after our baby was born another woman, different from this one, called me asking me who i was, why were was i sending him msgs even calling him in late hours, she was shocked when i told her i was his fiance and mother of his baby. he had told her, i was his sister and our baby was not his, but his " nephew" . obviously i am not with him anymore after several other incidents that i cant go into. i love my baby and would do everything for him. it just really breaks my heart when i look at this beautiful angel and thinking of how his father behaves. he does not support or even bother seeing our baby, which is fine by me, the lesser i hear or see him the better. but why does it still hurt. I sometimes find myself low and emotional when i think of what i have been through, and how i wish for only the best for my baby, honestly he deserves better. i think of the future, of dating again, and having to introduce my baby to a different man, it doesnt go down very easy with me, i wish this didnt have to be like this, but what else can i do, his own biological father is a moron, and how would this affect my baby in the future as he grows older..oohh God i am crying again

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Clearly, he's not merely cheating ( and we really don't know whether he was faithful before your pregnancy, only that you did not know of any infidelity then - he sounds like he is into this in a big way, and telling elaborate lies to try to cover up. Go to the Maintenance Court and get a court order forcing him to at least financially support his child. That will be of use to your child, and will perhaps make him think twice before doing this again, and causing more problems for other women and children.
I don't think this will adversely affect your baby in the future - the child is lucky to have a very loving mother. And do consider seeing a counselor to help you cope with this - you have lost a fiancee you trusted, and have lost the happy future together you very reasonably expected. To experience some grief after those losses is very normal, and you will be able to work through this.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: jane | 2010-04-22

I cant believe this guys ,really gal u shouldnt think of the worst especially how ur baby is going to be ,just teach him the values u grew up with and hope for the best,as for u hurting well u sound quiet strong to me so keep on doing what u are doing in time u will get over the hurt and resentment.

Reply to jane
Posted by: jane | 2010-04-22

I cant believe this guys ,really gal u shouldnt think of the worst especially how ur baby is going to be ,just teach him the values u grew up with and hope for the best,as for u hurting well u sound quiet strong to me so keep on doing what u are doing in time u will get over the hurt and resentment.

Reply to jane
Posted by: mpho | 2010-04-21

Thanks Dr, Shelby and Mary

Reply to mpho
Posted by: Mary | 2010-04-21

Mpho be strong for your baby, am in the same boat as you the lies and so much that you can name, somehow i''m glad he left me because he was abusing emotionally everyday he could''nt hold the baby while i did household chores saying He is a man, i obeyed his rules and kept quiet about his cheating, i finally lost it called his mistress and he decided he wanted to be with her. I am recovering from all the pain he has caused me and now i want to put an end to his threats as he threathens me all the for telling his family the truth. He moved five houses to where i stay so i can see his lover and i don''t care coz i know i am better off without him no matter how much he can try to break me I will not give up on me.

Reply to Mary
Posted by: Shelby | 2010-04-21

Hi Mpho,

My sympathies to you, it sounds like the father of your baby is really messing you around. I cannot believe the lies he told, even saying you were dead. What one says can become a reality, so he is gonna get back what he dished out. It is good that you are no longer together. You will eventually feel like dating again and you don''t have to go into the whole situation as to why you left the father of your baby to your new date. One day the father might come to his senses and want to be part of your child''s life, until then you can tell him that his father lives at another house or something that you feel is appropriate, but not a lie.

Good luck to you, I wish I could take away your pain.

Reply to Shelby
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-04-21

Clearly, he's not merely cheating ( and we really don't know whether he was faithful before your pregnancy, only that you did not know of any infidelity then - he sounds like he is into this in a big way, and telling elaborate lies to try to cover up. Go to the Maintenance Court and get a court order forcing him to at least financially support his child. That will be of use to your child, and will perhaps make him think twice before doing this again, and causing more problems for other women and children.
I don't think this will adversely affect your baby in the future - the child is lucky to have a very loving mother. And do consider seeing a counselor to help you cope with this - you have lost a fiancee you trusted, and have lost the happy future together you very reasonably expected. To experience some grief after those losses is very normal, and you will be able to work through this.

Reply to cybershrink

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