advertisement
Question
Posted by: 40''ish | 2012/10/15

Silent Treatment

oh I am so sick of this. If i tow the line, if i never fight with him, if i never confront him etc then all is well the moment I ask where he has been or why he is late i get the silent treatment.

CS, I know you say don''t give him the power but you don''t understand how bad he is - longest has been a month. Unless I carry on like nothing happened he will continue to do this.

I need to break this. Do I also start coming home late? Do I also go to a friend and not tell him? I am a good girl. Stay at home. Go home after work. Drive kids around. He always knows where I am.

HELP me and pleaseeee don''t say don''t give him the power. What can i do? talk is not an option he just ignores me like i do not exist. if i corner him he will fold his arms, find a spot on the wall and look at it till i give up no matter how many hours.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course he's bad. He has discovered that this is a perfect technique with which to torment you.
Maybe seeing a counsellor would help you to develop your own strengths, and to explore actally useful tactics for dealing with him.
If you got a friend and didn't tell him, maybe he wouldn't notice, and nothing would change ; or he wouldn't care, and that could be worse ; or he'd find out and use this as the excuse to justify anything more he chose to do forever more. Bad tactic.
What you are describing are many different ways i which you signal to him that his tactic is working, that it badly bothers you, and thus you motivate him to play that miserable game even harder.
As qwerty says, he sounds childish and sulky. Maybe he is working hard and not doing anything else that's sinister, but he's not treating you with due respect.
If he wont take the marriage counselling option seriously, or subverts it, then you may need to think seriously about whether this marriage is worthwhile for you. Maybe he'll listen to a lawyer's letter ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2012/10/15

I have to just say this, men are just full of crap, and then women are painted as the naggers and troublemakers.
I have experienced this for years, married to him, have 2 kids, and now just don''t give a crap anymore. He''s much older than me, alwyas made me feel helpless, always made me look like I am ALWAYS wrong, now I just don''t give a damn, and the moment he tries his tricks on me again, I tell him off just once.
Why am I still with him? Working on that right now actually.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Apple | 2012/10/15


When we were still communicating we decided to go for counselling i made the app. then two days ago he said he was not going because i had chosen the counsellor, i kept my cool and dismissed it. he will talk to his friends over the phone and have fun with them. And how to make an adult a mature man to behave when he does not see anything wronf with his behaviour. luckily i am a calm person he will come around when he so desires. i am just busy raising my two pretty girls to add stress in my life. i pray constantly to make peace with him. this is how i survive.

Reply to Apple
Posted by: 40''ish | 2012/10/15

Fax, email, bbm - no response. When I call him on the phone he will never put the phone down but he will just not reply. Yesterday he stopped his car got out picked the kids up got back in the car all while I was talking (and stopped) just listened..its like ok i won''t put the phone down talk as much as you like...eventually i''ll say bye and then he''ll say bye.

Went to see a shrink once, last time we went he said we are not going back - he always takes your side.

Going to going to join a gym tonight maybe I can get rid of my frustration and maybe for once i will NOT tell him where i am or what im doing or with who!

Reply to 40''ish
Posted by: qwerty | 2012/10/15

He sounds terribly childish. When you talk to him - are you calm or do you confront him? Do you get upset and emotional? Is his response not perhaps an exaggerated defence mechanism to avoid anything unpleasant?

My husband will sometimes shut me down if I try to talk about something and get overly emotional. I''ve found that if I am able to stay convincingly calm (even if I''m fuming inside) and discuss something with him in a conversational tone, it normally works a lot better. But if you''re husband can''t even respond to that, then I don''t know...

You could perhaps try and write him a letter in which you factually lay out your concerns? Men respond better to facts than emotion...

Good luck!!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: 40''ish | 2012/10/15

this is not a life Apple! I''ve even gone to his business to see if he is actually there and he is, its not that he is messing around....
he just say''s he has lots of work, i have friends who work near there and they have passed when i say he is late AGAIN and he is there

I can''t live a life like this.

Reply to 40''ish
Posted by: apple | 2012/10/15

hello there

we are in the same boat mine and i only talk if it concerns kids he spends most of his time on face book. i have tried talking to him all he says that is he does not like to talk to me. he was not like this he began this strange behavior in 2012 begginning. So i have become immune to it. i dont bother him with petty talk unless it affects the kids. Some people can be like that and see nothing wrong with it.

Reply to apple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/15

Of course he's bad. He has discovered that this is a perfect technique with which to torment you.
Maybe seeing a counsellor would help you to develop your own strengths, and to explore actally useful tactics for dealing with him.
If you got a friend and didn't tell him, maybe he wouldn't notice, and nothing would change ; or he wouldn't care, and that could be worse ; or he'd find out and use this as the excuse to justify anything more he chose to do forever more. Bad tactic.
What you are describing are many different ways i which you signal to him that his tactic is working, that it badly bothers you, and thus you motivate him to play that miserable game even harder.
As qwerty says, he sounds childish and sulky. Maybe he is working hard and not doing anything else that's sinister, but he's not treating you with due respect.
If he wont take the marriage counselling option seriously, or subverts it, then you may need to think seriously about whether this marriage is worthwhile for you. Maybe he'll listen to a lawyer's letter ?

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement