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Question
Posted by: jenny | 2012/10/03

Silent treatment

Just how long much one endure being given the silent treatment? My bf and I had a huge row and now I am being given the silent treatment. This is day 5. I have asked him to sit and discuss the problems like adults but he just says he has nothing to say to me. I understand people sometimes need a cooling off period but surely 5 days is stretching it a bit or am I being impatient?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The "silent treatment" only works if you allow it to, and if you show signs of being upset by it. It you go silent too, or chat away as though you don't even notice that he's being silent, it spoils all the fun of the silent one.
YOu've already offered him the adult option of talking like adults about whatever's still troubling him, and apparently he didn't accept the invitation.
Its not that you're being impatient, but that he is apparently more capable of being childish, sulky and petulant than you thought. But stop showing any evidence of being bothered by it, and there'll be nothing more for him to gain by continuing this.

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Our users say:
Posted by: XXX | 2012/10/04

If you read the book " men are from Mars and women are from Venus"  (or the other way around) you would see that a man does not like to argue and one of the things he will do is rather crawl into his " cave"  and give you the silent treatment.Women generally prefer to have a full go and end it right there.
I would usually say let him decide when he wants to come out of the cave but in this instance,5 days is a long time,I would say carry on talking to him like evrything is normal.
He is being rather childish so don''t stoop down to his level.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: 40''ish | 2012/10/04

my husband does the same. Once we went for 1 month. Let me tell you that it only ended when i carried on like nothing happened.

It depends on me if it lasts 1 day, 1 week or 1 month.

HE WILL DO THIS and he will not discuss the problem.

Once we are " good"  again he has his own way of " coming around" .

CS is right.

Pretend like you don''t even notice it.

Reply to 40''ish
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/03

The "silent treatment" only works if you allow it to, and if you show signs of being upset by it. It you go silent too, or chat away as though you don't even notice that he's being silent, it spoils all the fun of the silent one.
YOu've already offered him the adult option of talking like adults about whatever's still troubling him, and apparently he didn't accept the invitation.
Its not that you're being impatient, but that he is apparently more capable of being childish, sulky and petulant than you thought. But stop showing any evidence of being bothered by it, and there'll be nothing more for him to gain by continuing this.

Reply to cybershrink

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