Posted by: Elize | 2008-12-01

Silent treatment

My husband is 38 and I' m 32 and we' ve been married for eight years now, and should be used to it, but cannot seem to get used to the silent treatment I get from my husband, whenever I do something that he does not like/agree with. He will not talk to me about it and I sometimes have no idea why I' m getting silent treatment, he will just ignore me and when I ask him what' s wrong he says nothing. He did not speak to me from Thursday last week, and he says nothing is wrong. I hate it when he does not speak to me so I end up being the one that constantly asks what is wrong, trying to make peace because it bugs me so much. I am very tired today because I could not sleep and am very angry at him too. When I spoke to him earlier he was all polite, but I' ve had enough. I feel like going home this afternoon and giving him a piece of my mind. A person can only take so much and try for so long and then reach break point. He is not a person who communicates and I have to drag everything out of him. I want to sort things out quickly and he is the opposite. He will stay mad for days at end. I also hate him being upset with me, but he knows that and is abusing the situation. I am not his child and he makes me feel that way. I actually feel uncomfortable in my own house. How do I deal with this. I am sick and tired of his nonsense today.

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Our expert says:
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It's hard to handle someone who deals with problems and issues in such a childish and unhelpful way. Marriage counseling would be the best bet, if you could persuade him to accept sincere participation in it --- even if he needs to see it as aiming at helping him deal with the problems he thinks you cause, it can deal with the real problems ! Presumably he's bad at communicating, anyway, and especially in emotional matters, but he can learn thsi skill to a useful degree. He has found a technique that's reasonably comfortable for him and works to some extent, so long as its clear that you are upset by it. If he refuses counselling at this stage, see a counsellor on your own and (a) that can help you find better ways to deal with this, and (b) may worry him to think about whatever you might be talking about in his absence, and he may consider joining the process

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