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Question
Posted by: Kristen | 2010-04-28

SIL

Dear CS, I hope you are well and thank you for all your valuable - (say it like it is) advice you give. I wrote in before venting about my SIL who books herself into hospital whenever she want''s to escape her stressful life of having a nanny and a maid who does everything for her and sitting and watching TV all day and having expesive beauty sessions. We all live on the same property and she moved back to moms cause she was in debt. She just recently booked into the psych ward for stress and she is constantly sms and emailing hubby plans to go out and spend the day together with their other sibling and I quote her email " I want us to spend time together without our spouses before I die" . The girl refuses to greet me and comes into our home walks right pass me and it''s like I''m invisible. I was very sad that my husband was actually entertaining this. I would never want him to feel like he was deliberatly left out. We see her everyday, we have meal with them every single week sometimes more. Is there something wrong with me, is this normal for siblings to do and am I selfish and silly for being hurt by this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Thanks, K - I've noticed how it seems at times more financially profitable for the pop self-appointed gurus to tell it how it ain't, but I'll stick to how it is.
And there are doctors perhaps like some of those whom indulge your SIL, who are rather like call-girls a( and call-boys ? ) who recomment whatever the person wants ( IF they're rich enough to pay for it ) Yet you say that despite choosing to live the lifestyle of a multi- millionaire, she's in debt ? More fool her debtors to let her have credit and to fail to collect their debts.
Have you ever thought that you're actually lucky that she ignores you ? Otherwise she'd only be trying to borrow money. What a creep she sounds. But do not give her the power to make you feel jealous and miserable - I very much doubt that any of them intend you to feel hurt - they're just so wrapped up in their own emotions that they don't even notice how you feel.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2010-04-28

Kristen I wish I had an answer. In my in-laws family too everybody tip-toes around SIL to avoid conflict, they feel sorry for her. Unfortunately they are enabling her to remain in her self centred little world instead of forcing her and empowering her to grow. I wonder how your SIL''s husband and kids experience all of this? For your own sake, would moving away from the shared family property be an option?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Kristen | 2010-04-28

MIL is very considerate, and she alwasy puts everybody before herself and sadly her daughter has her wrapped around her finger too. Whenever she is feeling depressed she manipulates mom into buying something expensive and instantly she feels better and a day later it wears off and she back to her moody self. I think everybody enables her and everybody feels sorry for her when all she really is, is a lazy moocher.

Reply to Kristen
Posted by: Maria | 2010-04-28

My SIL also has mental health problems and I can relate to your frustration with your husband for failing to address the issue. How is your relationship with your MIL, can you maybe talk to her about it. (Won''t work with mine!) I''ve started calling my SIL out on things that irritate me, in a low-key and polite way, but she is starting to get the message. You should also consider writing her a letter, then show it to your husband first for comment. Good luck, it''s not an easy thing to deal with.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Kristen | 2010-04-28

Hi Maria, I did speak to him, he just shruggs it off. He doesn''t see anything wrong she has always had him wrapped around her finger and now that we''re married his attention is, well divided I guess. It''s always like she want''s him to choose her over me. It''s like a power thing for her. She should be trying to rekindle her relationship with her husband and their kids.

Reply to Kristen
Posted by: Kristen | 2010-04-28

Hi Maria, I did speak to him, he just shruggs it off. He doesn''t see anything wrong she has always had him wrapped around her finger and now that we''re married his attention is, well divided I guess. It''s always like she want''s him to choose her over me. It''s like a power thing for her. She should be trying to rekindle her relationship with her husband and their kids.

Reply to Kristen
Posted by: Maria | 2010-04-28

I don''t think you''re being silly. Have you discussed this with your husband at all? He might not be aware of how it makes you feel. While your sil might very well have a genuine problem she also seems to be extremely manipulative.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-04-28

Thanks, K - I've noticed how it seems at times more financially profitable for the pop self-appointed gurus to tell it how it ain't, but I'll stick to how it is.
And there are doctors perhaps like some of those whom indulge your SIL, who are rather like call-girls a( and call-boys ? ) who recomment whatever the person wants ( IF they're rich enough to pay for it ) Yet you say that despite choosing to live the lifestyle of a multi- millionaire, she's in debt ? More fool her debtors to let her have credit and to fail to collect their debts.
Have you ever thought that you're actually lucky that she ignores you ? Otherwise she'd only be trying to borrow money. What a creep she sounds. But do not give her the power to make you feel jealous and miserable - I very much doubt that any of them intend you to feel hurt - they're just so wrapped up in their own emotions that they don't even notice how you feel.

Reply to cybershrink

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