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Question
Posted by: Shy guy | 2010/10/15

Shy guy needs advice

I am 29 years old. I’ m not bad looking and I’ m a true gentleman. I am a normal guy, flirty, funny and silly. When I was younger I was never bothered with girls and having relationships as I had other activities that kept me busy but now that I’ m older I’ m wishing more and more that I had that one friend I can do everything with. I feel I need a girl I can have fun with, be silly with, romantic, cuddle and be naughty with. I’ m a very shy guy, so shy that I get anxiety attacks when it comes to girls which also causes me to throw walls up in front of me which seems to block girls off. I’ ve spoken to a psychiatrist about it and was told to make friends with girls and then take it from there. I’ ve done that but all the girls has boyfriends or has ex boyfriend issues. Its seems I’ m moving to slow for girls because of this shyness which means I’ m being put in the friendship list the whole time. The other things are that Most girls my age are experienced and wants a man that knows what his doing. Not only that but woman wants a man with money and that’ s stable in his life, I’ m not, I’ m only starting studies next year as I am a late bloomer career wise as well. In short, I don’ t have money for fancy dinners every second night or money to spoil her with fancy gifts the whole time. I’ ve tried the online dating site which seems even more of a mission to find a girl that I fancy. Do you have any advice for me please?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi ! Nice to hear from a real gentleman, a breed that sometimes seems to be dying out. From the sound of it, I would think that a psychologist could be of more use to you than a psychiatrist ( as they tend to look too much towards drugs for solutions ) - you may be describing a degree of social anxiety disorder, which generally responds very well to CBT style counselling / therapy, and though some medications can also help, I would prefer to see them used in combination with CBT rather than instead of it.
Your concerns, as you express them, apparently focus mainly on forming relationships with girls, but you don't mention strong and sustaining friendships with men, either, so the problem may be broader, even if the particular illustrations of it may seem more specific.
Amd the psychiatrist you spoke to made sense in another way. Sometimes it's harder to form the sort of relationship[s you want, by aiming too narrowly on emotional and close relations, and it can be moore helpful to start off by aiming at more superficial friendships, to become more comfortable about being with women of all ages, and spending time together with various aims, rather than focussing only on dating. Joining social, political, charitable, sporting, hobby-related groups, can help in this way.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Flower girl | 2010/10/18

Respect.... very little gentlemen left.

Liz is right... not all girls are interested in a guy''s money or fancy dinners etc. Just be YOU.... the right girl will fall in love with your qualities (including the shyness)  -)

Good luck.

Reply to Flower girl
Posted by: Liz | 2010/10/16

Hi shy guy. Nothing wrong with looking for that someone to spend your life with , but just remember not all woman looks at a mans wallet first! Some girls just want a decent loving man to be with. So maybe your going about this all wrong. Love is not about fancy dinners and fancy gifts. The right girl is out there just be patient and stay a gentleman.

Good Luck

Reply to Liz
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/16

Hi ! Nice to hear from a real gentleman, a breed that sometimes seems to be dying out. From the sound of it, I would think that a psychologist could be of more use to you than a psychiatrist ( as they tend to look too much towards drugs for solutions ) - you may be describing a degree of social anxiety disorder, which generally responds very well to CBT style counselling / therapy, and though some medications can also help, I would prefer to see them used in combination with CBT rather than instead of it.
Your concerns, as you express them, apparently focus mainly on forming relationships with girls, but you don't mention strong and sustaining friendships with men, either, so the problem may be broader, even if the particular illustrations of it may seem more specific.
Amd the psychiatrist you spoke to made sense in another way. Sometimes it's harder to form the sort of relationship[s you want, by aiming too narrowly on emotional and close relations, and it can be moore helpful to start off by aiming at more superficial friendships, to become more comfortable about being with women of all ages, and spending time together with various aims, rather than focussing only on dating. Joining social, political, charitable, sporting, hobby-related groups, can help in this way.

Reply to cybershrink

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