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Question
Posted by: man | 2011-12-13

Sht for the first time in this relationship I do not know what to do.

Guys I really need your your opinion on one issue. I have taken leave to spend with my partner, during the last month or so I have requested her to tell me when she will be free so I can coincidentally plan my leave to be with her, she did not have a clue since...eventually I estimiated however it turns out she will be busy during the week of my leave. I am sitting her and doing nothing, and she can only be free on friday. My biggest challenge is that I needed to leave on friday for December holidays.....she finished her work today and must do her hair for the next coming two days which means she will be free on the day I am supposed to leave.

My biggest challenge is that I have already taken leave and am sitting doing nothing, and waiting for her to finish her. She believes I should wait for her to do her hair and spend time with her before I leave. I have been beginning her to spend time with me for a bit longer than and she has not come to the party. I am begining to feel like I am treating myself like crab as I have put aside a lot of things to be with her and she has not done much to meet me half way. Instead - she is saying wait until I am done before you leave. I feel like a thief, trying to sneak out with her time. Truth be told....I find myself waiting for her to do her staff and she puts our relationship in the last end of the list.

I have tried talking but once she has her mind set on something, she won''t change. I have proposed that we meet in January early., she is still busy in January and cannot change her plans or anything....she is now mad that I have proposed to leave tommorow and I should wait.....Honestly I am sort of running away from the fights as well. we fight a lot....and cannot seem to get along on anything. she talks to me differently in a manner that shows no care in the world. She says I am responsible for her behaviour and everything else that is wrong in her life.....I am sort of tired feeling like a failure...or like I have failed her or that she regrets. She is waiting for me to change....I am the kind of person who has certain belief system than hers...she hopes I change completely and I know I am right and should not be changing. I have asked her to accept me as I am but she is unwilling so she stays angry at me.....and punishes me by withdrawing her affection and attention, indirectly keeps insulting me. I have been taking it so far, but lord knows I can use a break....But If I leave for home, I stand to aleniate her even further.....Sht for the first time in this relationship I do not know what to do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Was it wise to take leave to be with her, BEFORE making sure when she would be available to be with you ? And all her business, is this unavoidable work, or socializing. If the latter, then she's really not much interested in you, is she ?
She seems to have an unusual number of "plans" none of which involve you. Maybe you should rather use this time for yourself and your own interests and actual friends. Stop pursuing her, and if she doesn't approach you, that's proof she isn't really interested.
She is fully responsible for the ways she chooses to behave - do not accept her invitation for you to accept blame for her decisions.
Anyone who is, effectively, saying I might care about you IF you have major brain surgery, a face transplant and become a totally different person, is saying she has no real respect for who you actually are. What's the point in trying to mate with someone like that ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Man | 2011-12-14

Love is very complicated stuff...thanks for your inputs. I am putting myself first as well this time.

Reply to Man
Posted by: Hestia | 2011-12-14

I think you are waisting your time. You said her leave is starting today. And that she is doing her hair the next two days??? That is a bad excuse. I will do anything to spent time with my boyfriend. She can either do her hair later. And honestly, will her hair take a FULL 2 days????? Move on. She is either only focused on herself or not interested in you. Don''t waist your leave. you worked hard for it and should enjoy every moment.

Reply to Hestia
Posted by: Obvious | 2011-12-14

You need to move on - she really is not interested in you.
Deep down you have to know this...............after all would you treat someone you liked in this manner?

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Yep | 2011-12-14

Michael Douglas said, the power in a rship lies with the one who cares less. Unfortunately, its ur gf in this case and you are left to beg for her attention and make all the sacrifises. Whenever you do something she doesn''t agree with, she sulks etc and you are left worried abt alienating her. Ever asked yourself why she doesn''t worry about the same when she does all these things to you.
Honey is spot on, you are more into her than she is into you and thats never gonna change unless you put your foot downand treat yourself fairly.

I think you should leave as planned and yes she will be mad. You have made the sacrifise and now its time for her to do the same.
Cmon man be a man and take control!!!

Reply to Yep
Posted by: Honey | 2011-12-14

She is not that into you! She is responsible for her own behaviour. You are not keeping a gun to her head and forcing her to act a certain way. She is choosing that behaviour. Do yourself a favour and move on. You are waiting and waiting for her and she is not meeting you halfway. Where do you see yourself 6 months from now? Stil waiting and feeling misrable while she is doing what she wants? Good luck, it cant be easy.

Reply to Honey
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-12-14

Was it wise to take leave to be with her, BEFORE making sure when she would be available to be with you ? And all her business, is this unavoidable work, or socializing. If the latter, then she's really not much interested in you, is she ?
She seems to have an unusual number of "plans" none of which involve you. Maybe you should rather use this time for yourself and your own interests and actual friends. Stop pursuing her, and if she doesn't approach you, that's proof she isn't really interested.
She is fully responsible for the ways she chooses to behave - do not accept her invitation for you to accept blame for her decisions.
Anyone who is, effectively, saying I might care about you IF you have major brain surgery, a face transplant and become a totally different person, is saying she has no real respect for who you actually are. What's the point in trying to mate with someone like that ?

Reply to cybershrink

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