Posted by: anonymous | 2009-07-08

should we part

I have been married for 12 years, and have 2 boys (5 &  11). My marriage through the years has been a rocky one, but we have remainded together. My husband is a warm and caring person however he has a very short temper, which my children and I have had to endure. , My children are often verbally abused, as my husband cannot control his temper. I have become very strong duirng our marriage, so my husband cannot always verbally abuse me. I have also been the bread winner in our home, since our marriage, and over the past 2 years since relocating to a new country, my husband has not had any income, which has heightened his fustration levels. I have become very fustrated about his failed attempts to start a business. I have offered to pay for his studies, which would make him more marketable, and also offered to provide startup capital for a business which he could operate  he has not showed any interest in either offer. He often accusses me of having affairs, or flirting with my calleugues, which has no basis This often hurts my feelings, and its when i really want to get out. To me it seems I am fully responsible for our financial situation, as well as the well being of our family, and am not appreciated, but rather further humiliated. My husband is also fully supported by domestic help, to help with house hold management and the children  He is often fustrated with the help as well, and they either leave, or he fires them. I have mentioned to him twice now that i would like a seperation, but he has threatened to commit suicide.( i think he may actually do this). I feel trapped, and i am concerned about the impact a divorce will have on my children, Inspite of everything, they adore their father. What should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Hello anonymous,

being in a situation where you are being manipulated by the threat of a suicide is not a nice place to be. You have the right to follow your motivation to move on from this relationship but you also feel responsible for your husband's wellbeing and the interest of your children.
Your husband's situation seem to have contributed to the damage of his self esteem and I am concerned that he may be suffering from depression. It may be beneficial to discuss this concern and even though things have changed and need to change if he does threaten you, to take action to protect him from himself. These situations should never be taken lightly and you also need to protect your children and yourself. At first try and reason with him and that he should seek help. Once he is emotionally stronger then you can address the separation issue.
As far as your concerned is for your children, know that it is often not the divorce that hurts the children but the selfishness of the parents.

Love and Gratitude

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: anonymous | 2009-08-06

note that I see that my question on " should we part"  came out as a reader' s reply - this was a question to the expert.

Reply to anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-07-13

I' m married for 7 yrs and recently found photos of my husband' s bachelor party where a stripper is giving him a -|- , but in front of all present - what do I make of this? I feel betrayed

Reply to Anonymous

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