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Question
Posted by: GRACE | 2010/07/22

SHOULD MY DAUGHTER CALL HIM DAD

I met this wonderful man in 2008 and we moved he paid the lobola this January and we moved in together immediately. I have an 11 year old daughter and he''s got a 13 year old daughter as well both from previous relationships. His daughter calls him DADDY and my daughter calls her father BEN and she calls me GRACE as per our names. And my daughter calls my fiance JIM as per his name.
Is this wrong for my child to say those names?
Does that mean my child does not have manners?
Last week we visited my fiance''s family together with my daughter and his lovely daughter who calls me Ausi GRACE and with my daughter calling my fiance JIM his family did not like it but my JIM does not have a problem with my daughter calling him JIM I am confused and don''t know how to handle the situation. My daughter is close with both her biological father and step father. His daughter is also close with both and she stays with her mom but visits us some weekeends she is a lovely daughter and they are so close with my daughter as well of which my daughter sometimes visits her at her mothers place

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There is no general rule about this, and you need to talk about this and decide it between you, and then discuss it with the kids and explain what form you prefer. The kids obviously have to call you SOMETHING, an have chosen differently. That's practical, not rude.
When you visit your families, if the way you like things is not the way the family has traditionally done it, just calmly explan it to them that thisd is how you have decided, as a family in your own right, to do this.
Where there is a biological mom or dad AND a new mom or dad, they need advice on what to all them - if they call both men "Dad" it'd be confusing for everyone.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: I believe | 2010/07/23

Not call him dad, but atlest buti Jim, i mean real now Grace you know in our black culture calling an elder by name is just not on, it is regarded as being disrespectful.

Reply to I believe
Posted by: Lin | 2010/07/22

Do what you feel comfortable with. Don''t let others dictate what you do. You, your daughter and your fiance are happy with this arrangement, so don''t change it.

Reply to Lin
Posted by: butch | 2010/07/22

No she mustn''t call him Dad, she already has a Dad that you have said she is close, his family have to just deal with it

Reply to butch
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/22

There is no general rule about this, and you need to talk about this and decide it between you, and then discuss it with the kids and explain what form you prefer. The kids obviously have to call you SOMETHING, an have chosen differently. That's practical, not rude.
When you visit your families, if the way you like things is not the way the family has traditionally done it, just calmly explan it to them that thisd is how you have decided, as a family in your own right, to do this.
Where there is a biological mom or dad AND a new mom or dad, they need advice on what to all them - if they call both men "Dad" it'd be confusing for everyone.

Reply to cybershrink

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