Our expert says:
There is no general rule about this, and you need to talk about this and decide it between you, and then discuss it with the kids and explain what form you prefer. The kids obviously have to call you SOMETHING, an have chosen differently. That's practical, not rude.
When you visit your families, if the way you like things is not the way the family has traditionally done it, just calmly explan it to them that thisd is how you have decided, as a family in your own right, to do this.
Where there is a biological mom or dad AND a new mom or dad, they need advice on what to all them - if they call both men "Dad" it'd be confusing for everyone.
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