Our expert says:
Eish. Making new mistakes can be justifiable, if they mean one is sincerely trying to develop and if one learns from them. Simply repeating the old mistakes is of no value whatever.
And as in the situation you describe, a "mistake" of such proportions - abandoning spouse and child, and walking off with the money just to marinade yourself in some dumb drugs, no, that's hardly to be allowed.
But of course he sneakily managed all that on his own - you had no change to allow or disallow it.
If he EVER sees or contacts DRUG friends ( who are no friends at all, merely hunting partners ) that's usually a sign of where he's headed.
If he returns, and he may well do so, the real issue is what to do then. Forgive and forget would be a really foolish response, frankly.
Let him propose how he plans to make it nearly impossible for him to do this again. For instance, all money should be in an account he cannot ever use on his own, without your counter-signature.
And ask him to suggest how he is going to explain this to his daughter.
You say you don't want to keep her from her dad - from WHICH dad ? From the loving and good guy he can be ? Probably not ( though if the absences are frequent enough, getting to know that guy if he's going to hide himself away again in a chemical cloud, is not benefiial to her - it could increase her sense of loss. or keep her from the drugged out and selfish guy ? Well, there definitely no benefit to her to contact him when he's in that state.
If you want to go it alone from here on, kids are not automatically damaged by lacking one parent - rather one conststently loving caregiver than a part-time dad, part-time deadbeat.
If you want to consider allowing him back, think very caefully, ask the sort of questions I've sigested, and discuss this with a counsellor with real experience with druggies - and a plan must include his continuing involvement in an anti-drug program.
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