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Question
Posted by: Nikky | 2011/05/09

Should I tell her they steal?

Hi CS,

My parents went to stay with my sister and her two kids and her second husband. The first husband was jailed a few times for fraud and gets to see the kids every second weekend, but only as my sister feels they should see their biological father as she has full custody. My parents had things go missing from their luggage and money taken. So far it is only sweets they have found missing, which I think you can let go as pre-teens love sweets, but the money is rather hard for us to digest. My parents do not want to say anything as they have no proof it was the kids, although there is no maid around and do not want to point fingers as my sister has an explosive temper and will probably disown us all if we tell her the apples of her eyes are nicking stuff.

I would want to know if it was my kids that nicked stuff and I feel it should be dealt with before they reach their teens, but my parents do not want to rock the boat. I think their father''s tricks are now presenting themselves in the kids.

Should I tell my sister and if so, how do I gently break it to her without her telling me she never wants to see me again?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Remember any message not given a subject, may be hard to find afterwards.

Well, maybe kids like sweets, but that's no excuse for stealing them, especially where it is so important, with such a bad example in their biodad, for them to learn the importance of honesty.

Why do your parents keep sweets in their luggage, and why isn't it locked ? IF your sister is so ridiculously sensitive about ANY criticism of her kids, she probably both suspects they may indeed be doing something wrong, and may also automatically see any such comments as a criticism of her parenting skills.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Clair | 2011/05/10

If I was your parents, I would make an open comment in front of the children and parents stating that money had gone missing. Suggest that perhaps it had fallen out and someone had seen it.

That way you would not be accusing anyone but at least both the children would be aware that you are on to them and that the parents would be aware that money had possibly gone missing. Good Luck!

Reply to Clair
Posted by: Truth | 2011/05/09

There is a product obtainable from security suppliers called theft detection powder. you sprinlke it on the money/sweets and if anyone touches it it stains the skin bright orange.

Do this and fake shock if it is the kids, tell the mother you were xpecting to capture an outside assailant!

Reply to Truth
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/09

Remember any message not given a subject, may be hard to find afterwards.

Well, maybe kids like sweets, but that's no excuse for stealing them, especially where it is so important, with such a bad example in their biodad, for them to learn the importance of honesty.

Why do your parents keep sweets in their luggage, and why isn't it locked ? IF your sister is so ridiculously sensitive about ANY criticism of her kids, she probably both suspects they may indeed be doing something wrong, and may also automatically see any such comments as a criticism of her parenting skills.

Reply to cybershrink

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