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Question
Posted by: Shan | 2010/10/28

Should I stay with him?

My husband has been unemployed since Feb. I gave birth to a beautiful baby in August and had to go back to work two weeks after her birth so that we could survive financially. My husband has a terrible temper and is very quick to take his frustrations out on my verbally. I phoned the Doctor and asked to get some calming meds for him. He always takes everything out on me and never helps with the baby. I do love him but I am afraid to say anything to him as he never has a kind word to say. I have Bipolar II and can''t afford to buy my meds as I am not on medical aid anymore. It is getting to the stage where I can''t live like this anymore. I would never do anything to myself as my daughter is too important to me. She is my life. Please advise what to do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The problem lies in your husband, and his maladaptive way of responding to a situation he probably finds difficult, a blow to his self-esteem, not presently succeeding in his work, and needing to rely on you to support him and the family.
See a government clinic as a state hospital or clinic, to get proper treatment of your Bipolar Disorder. That will be better for your health and for you all, than any "calming meds" - and remmber that the commonly used "calming meds" like benzos can act like alcohol and make someone MORE aggressive, and can also worsen a depression. Also, see if you can find, thoruhg the state clinic / hospital, a social worker or counsellor who can help you both find better ways of handling this situation.
Contact a group like POWA who help abused women, to get further assistance in handling this abusive situation safely.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/30

The problem lies in your husband, and his maladaptive way of responding to a situation he probably finds difficult, a blow to his self-esteem, not presently succeeding in his work, and needing to rely on you to support him and the family.
See a government clinic as a state hospital or clinic, to get proper treatment of your Bipolar Disorder. That will be better for your health and for you all, than any "calming meds" - and remmber that the commonly used "calming meds" like benzos can act like alcohol and make someone MORE aggressive, and can also worsen a depression. Also, see if you can find, thoruhg the state clinic / hospital, a social worker or counsellor who can help you both find better ways of handling this situation.
Contact a group like POWA who help abused women, to get further assistance in handling this abusive situation safely.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: lizard | 2010/10/29

men measure their self worth pretty much by their job as well, so when they are not working, their self esteems goes to an all time low, he most probably hates himself at the moment, but having said that, a person has to draw the line, abuse of any sort is not acceptable, especially if there are children around, is not working a norm for him or is this a one off thing, when he is working is he okay or is generally nasty no matter what

Reply to lizard
Posted by: TWO-STONE | 2010/10/29

I agree with Just a Thought. He is going to turn violent at some time.

Reply to TWO-STONE
Posted by: just a thought | 2010/10/28

stop buying calming meds for him and rather purchase your bipolar meds-if u r the only one with a job u need 2 be well.
actually i would dump him and concentrate on your first resposibility your child, he is not providing emotional or financial support so why are u with him?

Reply to just a thought

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