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Question
Posted by: crest | 2010/08/30

Should I stay or should I go?

I don''t know if this is the right place to ask but here goes. I am in a relationship with a guy, we have been together for 10 years this year. We are living together and have a beautiful 5 year old son.

Our relationship has been on and off and some stuff has happened so we basically lack trust from both sides.

I feel that the relationship is finally where it should be. No family interfering. It feels like he loves me with all his heart and of course I love him the same.

Sometimes out of nowhere he will tell me that our relationship feels fake and he will start accusing me of stuff that is definitely not true. He tells me that if I can''t see that the relationship is fake and what not, that there is something seriously wrong with me.

I honestly do not know what to do. When I feel secure in the relationship he would say stuff out of the blue that really hurts me and that makes me feel like all my effort is a waste. At times it feels like he''s wasting my life. I have given up allot for this relationship, even my career. I will never blame him for these things but he always wants to blame me for everything. I have a few issues of my own (psychological) which has never been treated. Sometimes I fear for my life around him because he has been violent many times before.

Is there something that I might be doing wrong? Is there something I can do to help him? Should I stay or should I go?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm puzzled that you describe this relationship as "finally where it should be" - yet lacking trust on both sides. And he periodically announces hat the relationship is fake. And you fear for your life becasue o his violence This is where it should be ?
Don't assume that if there's something wrong it MUST be your fault, or that it is your task to help him with whatever p[roblems he may have, rather than to be helpful, but guide him towards perhaps more expert help that may be needed ? COuld you persuade him to join you in couples counselling ? Especially if he could be encouraged to see it as a chance to air HIS grievances and concerns ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: beth | 2010/08/31

RUN AS FAST AS U CAN THERES NO RELATIONSHIP THERE

Reply to beth
Posted by: Kelli | 2010/08/30

Your relationship does not seem healthy to me. Maybe he needs to get some help. I would go.

Reply to Kelli
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/30

I'm puzzled that you describe this relationship as "finally where it should be" - yet lacking trust on both sides. And he periodically announces hat the relationship is fake. And you fear for your life becasue o his violence This is where it should be ?
Don't assume that if there's something wrong it MUST be your fault, or that it is your task to help him with whatever p[roblems he may have, rather than to be helpful, but guide him towards perhaps more expert help that may be needed ? COuld you persuade him to join you in couples counselling ? Especially if he could be encouraged to see it as a chance to air HIS grievances and concerns ?

Reply to cybershrink

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