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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010/04/16

Should I stay or should I go?

My husband got caught out phoning a lady " friend"  (who I also know) non stop - when I confronted him he first denied it, then when I had a look at his phone her 2 cell numbers were saved under other men''s names. After I lost my cool complete and checked his phone I noticed that call each other at least 16 times a day. It is so ironic - if you don''t have a guilty concious why do you save a womens number under a man''s name?

His explanation was that they are good friends and they have great conversations over the phone - chat about work and stuff. How ironic: when ever he phones me (only once a day) he is very busy and cannot really chat or he need to save his free-minutes.

It came out that he kissed her goodbye 3 weeks ago while attending a function. According to him it was a simple kiss but he don''t want to show / explain to me how " simple"  the kiss was.

He started to lie more often - e.g would go to a pub and meet a group of friends (including her and her husband) and won''t tell me about it. When he gets home he would tell me he went to see a client.

Was he caught out just before it went to far?

He has explained that he is terribly sorry and it would never happen again.

How do one EVER restore trust? Everytime the phone rings or he receives an sms I think it is her.

We have a little boy together.

I really don''t know what to do or where to go - because every single time he touches me - I think he might imagine it is her. I don''t want talk to him because I don''t know if he is going to put down the phone and phone her again.

Where do I go from here?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Even if she were only his banker, calling ANYONE 16 times a day is ridiculous. That is NOT about "great conversations" with a "good friend". Its like the guys who insist they buy Playboy SOLELY for the great motoring articles.
If he actually is sorry about whatever this was, and does want to put things right, then the two of you clearly need to get into marriage counselling and work on all these issues together

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tebogo | 2010/04/19

Once a pirate always a pirate. Oh i meant a cheater. If he is not cheating with her then it wil b sum1 else. Trust is sumthng when lost u can neva recover it.

Reply to Tebogo
Posted by: Lira | 2010/04/16

Your story is just like mine 5 years ago, I stayed and I was determined to save my marriage. But 5 years later I''m still here and still don''t trust my husband and its klling me. I don''t know if I''ll ever completely forgive him for what he did...as I''m typing this i''m contemplating divorce. I still cry when I think about the horrible things he did to me but now I know I need to leave this marriage. It''s not worth it, I''m never gonna be happy with a man who once treated me like he picked me up from a trash can just becuase he was sleeping with another woman. He on the other hand is trying so hard to be the best husband he can be but I can never see him the same way as when we married which is sad.

Goodluck with your situation Anon, I hope you find the bet to deal with your situation.

Reply to Lira
Posted by: Amy | 2010/04/16

It''s very sad to hear when a partner does something like this and the trust is gone forever even once all is worked out the trust will always be an issue.

You mentioned that you know her, my question to you is does her husband know about this? He has every right to know.

Reply to Amy
Posted by: Been There | 2010/04/16

Don''t be second best... I stayed and was cheated on time and time again. eventually, i had to leave after almost 21 years of marriage he kicks me out cos he wants to settle with a women he met 3 mths b4 sending me divorce papers.
you are young and believe me when I say I am happier today...
Good luck and god bless

Reply to Been There
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/16

Even if she were only his banker, calling ANYONE 16 times a day is ridiculous. That is NOT about "great conversations" with a "good friend". Its like the guys who insist they buy Playboy SOLELY for the great motoring articles.
If he actually is sorry about whatever this was, and does want to put things right, then the two of you clearly need to get into marriage counselling and work on all these issues together

Reply to cybershrink

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