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Question
Posted by: Candy | 2012/09/03

Should I stay or not

Dear Doc

My Boyfriend and I have been together for 2,4 years. The first 2 years we had a long distance relationship. We have been living together of 4 months as I am in the process of buying my own house. I should take occupancy in the next few weeks but will be moving alone. We will still be living in the same town only about 5km apart.

I really love my boyfriend so that is not an issue. We have been talking about getting engaged, but he always seems to have an excuse, the latest one is that he is not ready. How long do you need to be with someone to be ready? Lately I have lost all interest in our relationship. I do not know if I need to give him space or move on as I am starting to think I am wasting my time. I am 28 and he is 31, we both have good jobs. He also has a problem when I start to talk about what is hurting me, it as if he never wants to face facts and accept responsibility for his actions, always blaming me.
Trust on my side is an issue for him, because he has lied and hurt me in the past. No cheating but other things. I am really battling to forgive and forget. I now I should... We have talked about all our issues with each other but we cannot come to a conclusion on whether to stay together or end our relationship. I am not the type of person to give up, we love each other but have big problems to sort out/work on or should we move on?
Please give me your take on this.

Many thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its unrealistic to expect a bf/gf to be ready to commit to a long-term relationship / marriage within the first year ; its highly unrealistic if they have not done so within 2 years, to expect this to magically happen later. Where someone refuses to take personal responsibility for their own actions, decisions and choices, the odds aren't good for a satisfying relationship.
As I so often need to poin t out within this forum - it sounds as though he is entirely comfortable with the relationship as it is, and as though he has no motivation to change it.
Acceopt things remaining just like this permanently, or plan to move on. Problem can be solved when both parties sincerely recognize the problems and agree to work together to find solutions. When one refuses to see that there's a problem, or to work on it, it wont get solved

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: 40''ish | 2012/09/03

I''ve been waiting and begging and fighting for 8 years to get engaged never mind even discussing getting married. He never will. He never said he will and he never gives in on it. You need to move on. You''ve wasted 2 years, I''ve wasted 8.

Do it now. Move on your own, live your life. Mr. Right is just around the corner.

Good luck

Reply to 40''ish
Posted by: billy | 2012/09/03

This guy will never be ready, he does not want any responsibillity. Move on

Reply to billy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/03

Its unrealistic to expect a bf/gf to be ready to commit to a long-term relationship / marriage within the first year ; its highly unrealistic if they have not done so within 2 years, to expect this to magically happen later. Where someone refuses to take personal responsibility for their own actions, decisions and choices, the odds aren't good for a satisfying relationship.
As I so often need to poin t out within this forum - it sounds as though he is entirely comfortable with the relationship as it is, and as though he has no motivation to change it.
Acceopt things remaining just like this permanently, or plan to move on. Problem can be solved when both parties sincerely recognize the problems and agree to work together to find solutions. When one refuses to see that there's a problem, or to work on it, it wont get solved

Reply to cybershrink

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