Our expert says:
OMG what a long story ! Folks, it really is important for you to edit down your postings, to make them clear and concise - and that exercise itself if valuable in helping you to figure out what are the essential aspects of your troubles, and what are details that are less important.
When you choose to have kids with someone who is not working and isn't prepared to marry you or similarly make a long-term and sincere committment to you, problems most often do arise. Its not clear from your message whether he married you or not, but if he is your husband, his duty is to stay with you and his children, and NOT with his family or friends.
Sounds like he neglected you until you cheated, first emotionally and then physically ; but he was also cheating on you, emotionally and physically.
It makes no sense for him to claim that he loves you and then to do what he keeps on doing ; nor to say that he doesn't love her and would never marry her or have kids with her - but to keep on seeing her, and to take so long to even pretend to end that relationship. Has he told HER that he does not love her and would never settle with her ?
Then it appears that he lied about all that, and wants to have you AND her - so everything must be the way that best suits him, and your own wishes ae to be ignored ? What on earth is the point of remaining in any sort of relationship with this guy ? He seems to have no intention at all of respecting you or your needs or feelings.
And why is it you who feels guilty and responsible for all the misery HE created ?
As a self-respecting woman you should NOT agree to marry a man who doesn't love you and wants you to agree to him enjoying a mistress as well.
See a counsellor to help you gain self-respect and recognize how to lead your own life, for the sake of you and your children, and not to suit the selfish demands of this guy.
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