Posted by: confused | 2009-03-31

should i or souldn' t i?

Hi there everybody,

I am a little confused about what to do!
me and my boyfriend has been togrther for 5 years, and have been living together for 3 years and all is well, we share a very healthy 4 year old daugter, i have come to the piont in my life where i want to have a nother baby, he is not all for the idea of that and dont ask me why we havn' t spoken about this in detail, Im to afraid he will get upset bcoz thats not what he wants?

I feel that our daughter is 4years old and getting lonly, She has been asking me to go and buy her a baby brother or sister she thinks they come from a store(LOL) But then i also whant to get married first before the next baby, and dont ask me when thats going to happen coz im not even engaged yet? but this baby thing is constantly on my mind and i want it so badly and my parents also sat us down like a week ago saying that they want to have a nother grand child when my boyfriend replied " one is enough, thank you" 

Am i Thinking of myself and not considdering his desissions or the other way around? i wont let myself fall pregnant if he doesnt want this But me , My parents And our 4 year old really wants this and its not as if we have money to think about there is enough for a nother baby

Please help. I dont know wht to do and i cant stop myself from thinking of getting pregnant!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You are, to some extent, thinking mainly of yourself--- but think of it this way. The setting won't be good for either the child you have and the child you want to have, unless the two of you get together and discuss this and work out something mutual and loving --- see a relatonship counsellor, if necessary, to do this efficiently

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: confused | 2009-03-31

thanks for your reply, i just feel that yes it is time to take our relationship to the next level, i mean for heavens sake we have been together for a long time, we share a child and we live together and everything is going well we have our ups and downs like any normal relationship its not alway fun and smiles or moonlight and roses, but we sort our stuff out privetly where our child dont even know that we are having a fight, but i feel that telking to him about how i feel about taking the next step in our relationship and then a month or two later it does happen, i am going to feel that he only did this bcos i told him its what i want and im going to woder if it is really whaty he also wants or did he do it to satisfy me? Hope it makes sense to someone bcoz i confuse myself and feel i shouldnt talk to him about it, it should just happen from his side, i know he does love me and i do love him, but he must be able to do something like this out of his own will

Reply to confused
Posted by: Katy | 2009-03-31

Dear confused

Frankly, what has this got to do with your parents?
I cringe at the thought of being sit down by my or my spouses parents and them telling us we should have another baby! What the XXXX????

Anyway, the decision of whether to have another child or not goes further than you " feeling ready"  and your daughter (4) wanting a sibling! It should be discussed with your partner and you should decide whether BOTH are up for rearing another child. He must feel free to tell you why he doesn' t want anymore (if that is teh case) and together you may try towork through them but you cannot get upset for any of the reasons he provides as they all seem legit to HIM! You must also feel free to discuss why you want another and your reasons should be beyond just the financial aspect. You will also need to discuss how you will rear 2 kids and who will be responsible for what. And as a lovely thought it is toyour 4yr old, when the baby is there she may not like having the baby around at all as it willundoubtedly impact on her time with you! It is therefore really important that your partner is involved and supports your decision to provide the security and assurance that you and your partner are still crazy about the 4yr old. Also, if you hoping for marriage proposal, then you should discuss your wants and expectations of this relationship with him.

Reply to Katy
Posted by: tutu | 2009-03-31

Angel,Dont do it.
its better to plan ahead.If the two of you arent agreeing on something so important,then dont even tryl
your partner may have many reasons why he doesnt want another baby yet.
children are a huge responsibility. Maybe he wants you to be financially stable or maybe he wants to get married first.
if you fall pregnant without speaking &  planning yet he could end up resenting you.
ayou have been together long enough for the two of you to be able to communicate,speak to him.
Ask him to be completely honest about his feelings &  his plans for your future together.
good luck.

Reply to tutu

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