Our expert says:
Sorry to hear of such a nasty situation --- even though everyone is probably certain that what they're doping is for the best, for your wife and the baby, obviiously they can't all be right. Though maybe they're not all wrong, either. I wonder whether your wife perhaps suspects that her father might not be right, but feels duty-bound to support him, and hence avoids therapy as a situation in which she may have to face this reality. One wonders whether she fears him, too, as you describe with regard to his other children. But if he is a potential abuser ( and that is one aspect of what you are describing ) by no means should you be ready to relinquish control of YOUR child ( as much yorus as your wife's ) to that man. YOur wife may need to be gently and calmly reminded that her deferring to a man with a history of violence, and her refusal to attempt to remedy things by working with you in therapy, will not look good when you apply to a court for custody, as you will. The court is obliged to look after the best interests of the child, not the father-in-law.
UNless they have ovwerwhelming evidence of likely or actual abuse or damage by a parent, the grandparents should not interfere with the parenting of their own children.
YOu have a right and a duty to be there at the birth of your child, before and after it. Don't let the selfishness of others deprive you and the child of this important occasion.
GOod luck !
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