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Question
Posted by: jonjon | 2012/02/25

should i leave

I have finally left my wife and am deciding whether to divorce,

We have been together for just over 5 years.

Married for one.

We have an amazing relationship, that can be really good, however she has huge problems with my brother and family, hardly even is ok with them coming around.

I am worried about having kids as I''m sure that they won''t be allowed to play a part in their lives.

My dad and brother can be difficult though, but so can she and she is completely rigid on all matters, which can make it really hard to live with her,

she also has had problems with many of my friends, and causes arguments whenever they come, (the ones she doesn''t like), and is not very accommodating, so as a result i don''t see them that much.

She also bosses me about the house, she does do some housework, but will often make me get up when I''m watching tv or relaxing, it has to be NOW not the ad break.

Ive tried a lot we have been to counselling, but i feel i always make the concessions, I''m a bit afraid of leaving, as there are many thing s i do love about her, she can be funny, and she is always up for doing fun things watersports going out or anything.

but sometimes there are things i know she doesn''t want to go to, and ill say pls its important to me that you would go (prob only a few things a year), but she will never go.

All these things have been happening for 4 yrs since we move d in together, and now i go crazy yelling as i just can''t take it anymore.

She also does push my buttons a bit when i get angry and can fabricate arguments to get me angry and then she says " stop yelling at me" . which only makes me worse.

Can you help me i need to decide but its such a big choice.

also many double standards.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What's surprising in your story is that you apparently didnt notice her rigidity and opposition to your family for 4 years while you were together, and then did so, after marrying her ?
I'm pleased to hear that you two did at least try counselling, as its unfortunate to give up on a relationship without at least trying sincerely to see if the problems can be worked out. Sounds like she could be a fun friend, but too rigid and controlling to be a comfortable spouse / companion. If she saw counselling solely as a matter of YOU making concessions, and was unwilling to acknowledge her own problems and irritants, or to change, then you'd either need toaccept her completely as she is, uncomfortable though that would be, or leave, move on, and be more cautious next time round.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Realist | 2012/02/25

It is so clear that you have been living a really miserable existence and what for ? I think you have made up your mind to divorce, and move on and you just need that decision to be confirmed. I say go for it. You only have one life my friend, don''t waste a minute of it on someone not worthy of your love and attention. Good luck

Reply to Realist
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/25

What's surprising in your story is that you apparently didnt notice her rigidity and opposition to your family for 4 years while you were together, and then did so, after marrying her ?
I'm pleased to hear that you two did at least try counselling, as its unfortunate to give up on a relationship without at least trying sincerely to see if the problems can be worked out. Sounds like she could be a fun friend, but too rigid and controlling to be a comfortable spouse / companion. If she saw counselling solely as a matter of YOU making concessions, and was unwilling to acknowledge her own problems and irritants, or to change, then you'd either need toaccept her completely as she is, uncomfortable though that would be, or leave, move on, and be more cautious next time round.

Reply to cybershrink

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