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Question
Posted by: Penny | 2012/08/20

Should I help them again?

Hi CS,

I am at a cross roads. I provided for some relatives to the tune of R15 000 a month but it was not appreciated then and I still think it is not appreciated now. I was told to eff off, so I did and have since stopped every bit of funding about a year ago. I received a call that there was no money for food, could I help out. So I bought basic groceries for R200 and sent them on their merry way. Only one of the couple works, the other refuses to, I think prefers hand outs instead.

Why do I feel bad about not contributing? Am I a sucker for punishment? I can no longer afford the amount I used to give them, maybe R1000 a month, but half of me wants to and the other half does not want to as it is not appreciated.

Sigh......

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There's little point in giving money to ungrateful people, and/or to those who won't use it well. Anyone who has the cheek to rudely tell you to f-off after receiving so much money from you,are greedy, rude people deserving nothing whatever. Too bad if they now have no money for food, many people would say - they have had a year in which as a group they should have been able to start earning money for themselves.
If you really feel you have to give them anything, you were wise to give actual groceries, rather than money which they could misuse.
Anyone who "refuses" to work, deserves not a cent from anyone else. By feeding the lazy people like this one, you encourage them to continue to sponge their weay through life, which isn't good for them either. Giving them money is just teaching them not to bother to work, and wasting money you could use yourself or give to a proper charity to look after people who really cannot look after themselves.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2012/08/21

Why give them anything when they''re only abusing your generosity? I have to answer your question with a resounding NO.

Why do you feel bad? Because you''re a compassionate and generous person and don''t like to see your family suffer. What you have to consider is that no matter how badly you feel for them, they''re never going to stand on their own feet if they continually receive handouts. By giving them anything, you''re actively preventing them from taking responsibilty for their own lives. It only makes them think that they deserve the handouts that they''re getting as well as making them more dependent on any handouts they receive.

If you really want to help them, it should involve helping the unemployed relative get a job. If they don''t want that kind of help, they REALLY don''t deserve any kind of help at all!

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Gracie | 2012/08/21

How rude! You sacrificed a huge amount of money to help these ungrateful sods and you get a " eff off"  in return. You do not owe them anything, relatives/family or not, they need to start supporting themselves. Your kind-heartedness will be well appreciated elsewhere - like the children''s Oncology Unit or SPCA or an Old Aged Home should you wish to make donations to charity! Your help kept them for long enough and now they need to sort themselves out! I have a problem with people who do not show their gratitude and feel that they do not deserve help! You are such a good person and don''t deserve to be treated that way!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/20

There's little point in giving money to ungrateful people, and/or to those who won't use it well. Anyone who has the cheek to rudely tell you to f-off after receiving so much money from you,are greedy, rude people deserving nothing whatever. Too bad if they now have no money for food, many people would say - they have had a year in which as a group they should have been able to start earning money for themselves.
If you really feel you have to give them anything, you were wise to give actual groceries, rather than money which they could misuse.
Anyone who "refuses" to work, deserves not a cent from anyone else. By feeding the lazy people like this one, you encourage them to continue to sponge their weay through life, which isn't good for them either. Giving them money is just teaching them not to bother to work, and wasting money you could use yourself or give to a proper charity to look after people who really cannot look after themselves.

Reply to cybershrink

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