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Question
Posted by: Blue Eyes | 2010/03/08

Should i have concern

My husband and i have had issues in the past with him cheating on me.

He has a blackberry and is connected to all his work colleagues on instant messaging.

I hate this because there is no trace of messages left who he chats to and what is said. If you are quick enough you can catch certain threads of communicaiton going on.

On Friday he chatted to a female colleague about his day (after work hours), yet when i asked him about his day, he said it was boring.

On sunday afternoon after about 5 o clock he chatted to another female colleague asking how her weekend had been? Seriously could it not wait until this morning? When i asked him who it was he said it was one of the guys from work.

Is this innocent and he is not telling me cause he''s scared i''ll jump to conclusions and make a scene, or is he just hiding it because there is something going on?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I hear your concern about this electronic means of chat without traces - but there's no trace of his chats in person at work, either. I suppose the content of his work day might have some implications for a colleague and be boring to anyone else. If he chatted ONLY with female work colleagues after hours, and never with male colleagues, that would be rather odd and suspicious.
Like Lucy I don't see why it matters how someone else's weekend was, but this can be a sort of sociable noise people make - like when folks say "How are you? " - the last thing they want is for you to actually tell them, imn detail, how you are.
But such issues can really onmly be dealt with between the pair of you, preferably with the aid of a marriage counsellor

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/09

I hear your concern about this electronic means of chat without traces - but there's no trace of his chats in person at work, either. I suppose the content of his work day might have some implications for a colleague and be boring to anyone else. If he chatted ONLY with female work colleagues after hours, and never with male colleagues, that would be rather odd and suspicious.
Like Lucy I don't see why it matters how someone else's weekend was, but this can be a sort of sociable noise people make - like when folks say "How are you? " - the last thing they want is for you to actually tell them, imn detail, how you are.
But such issues can really onmly be dealt with between the pair of you, preferably with the aid of a marriage counsellor

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Lucy | 2010/03/08

I''ve had the same issues with blackberrys and my hubby asking other people how their weekend was. What business is it of his how another woman''s weekend was? He should be only concerned about your. So yes, you should be concerned. Mine was found to be a flirt, and was being encouraged by his work colleagues, because they thought it ws cool to be seen with different women because they have a little bit of spare change Drop the damned phone in water so that he has no contact over weekened. And watch out for a second cellphone that is usually kept in the car. And do raise hell.

Reply to Lucy
Posted by: R | 2010/03/08

The trouble always starts on the cell phones. why would he lie to you if everything is honest and open? Why lie to you? Believe me he is up to something!!

Reply to R

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