Posted by: MM | 2008-12-01

Should I get involved!!

My son,wife and 5yr old daughter have been visiting this past month, they have left. I witnessed that my daughter in-law has no respect for him, call him a mad thing, worse is that my son does their washing, underware as well, hangs it on the line, takes it off and sorts them out, she doesn' t iron for him he has to iron his own clothes, I asked him why doesn' t she do it he said ask her.
His so timid, I overherd her calling him a mad thing, idiot etc.
She is quite fat and wears short tops that expose her big belly, recently she was visiting in JHB when the schools closed, rumors was that she was having an affair as she came up each school holiday, she found out she was pregnant and said it was 10 weeks, but looked like 5 mths and counting from the last holiday would be right.
Last weekend she partied with friends and the Monday suddenly started havin a miscarraige, took her to hospital they said it was an old pregnancy and couldn' t be 10 weeks.
This weekend she demanded they go partying, I refused to give my car as they have taken it for a Saturday and only returned the Sunday night, she called a cab and he had to pay R360, she abuse' s drink ad smokes, and so does her whole family, her 12yr old sister is fat and looks like a 15yr old, they all with the mother go to clubs.
I feel sorry for my son as she bullies him, speaks harshly to him.
His like her maid, ven the daughter does likewise, should I point this out to him, the 5yr old we heard wasn' t his child, she was still with her ex and him, she was also preganat from a 50yr old man and she was 13 and had an abortion.We love the little girl so will never say she is not of our blood.
My son at times worked night shift and she went clubbing.
Is this right? should I intervene here, she is known to swear him at braai' s, why does she keep calling him an idiot, she never finished her school being pregnant, only went to std 4.I reallly liked her, she is very attrtaive with lovely green eyes and long brown hair, but after the weeknd and the sudden miscarriage I went off her.

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Our expert says:
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Sounds as thouigh your son lacks self-confidence, and has been unfortunate enough to marry an assertive and lazy woman, who he is afraid to challenge. And if she lies about the origins and duration of her pregnancy, and parties irresponsibly, perhaps leading to nthe death of the baby, she's a most unpleasant and selfish young woman. And then she's apparently so unmoved by the loss of her baby, that she can't wait to go partying again ? What sort of mother is that ? You're wise not to lend your car to someone so irresponsible, and presumably drinking so much --- she'd be a danger to the car, herself, and other people. What an unpleasant person !
The issue, though, is whether you can or should intervene, and whether it would be helpful to try to do so. I'd expect that your son is aware of much of what is wrong, but lacks the self-confidence to do anything about it.
Maybe it would be helpful to suggest calmly to him that he see a counsellor to improve his self-confidence and self-esteem, so as to have the confidence to defend himself and make whatever decisions are best for him and the child.

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Our users say:
Posted by: MM | 2008-12-01

Thanks, sad to say but many people have told me stories about her, from day one to warn my son off of her but I said nothing, at their wedding she was caught kissing her ex by my daughter, I told my daughter to say nothing not to spoil his wedding day.I learnt that you don' t tell your kids not to do stuff because they just go ahead and do it.
I thought seeing as she was still young she would change and I live 606 klms away from them so never got to hear and see what really goes on.
Until they came up for a month and because I work I only got to spend this past weekend with them and got to see the treatment and the sudden miscarriage. i pray that my son will open his eyes before it' s too late for him to start afresh.

Reply to MM
Posted by: naomi | 2008-12-01


your daughter in law sounds like an awful person,it must be horrible for you to watch your son being treated like this.Have you approached your son about this,maybe he just isn' t ready to open up to you about what is going on.Let him know you are there for him,and only get involved if your son asks you to.With relationships things are not always what they seem,I admire the fact that you didb' t just start meddling in your son' s marriage,but sought advice first,sometimes it does make things worse.Just one question,are you 100% sure of all the things you say about her,or are you only saying them our of resentment towards her?Once your son is ready to open up to you,maybe you should encourage him to get professional help....good luck to you and your family.

Reply to naomi
Posted by: Anon | 2008-12-01

You can only advise, but would not suggest you get involved.
I`m sure you would love to give her a good slap,I probably would

Reply to Anon

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