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Question
Posted by: Keen | 2010/11/05

Should I end the friendship?

Hi doc

I have a friend who I have known for about 5-6 years. She is 27 and I''m 33. I have no romatic feelings for her (i''m gay). The thing is just that we are very close.

But everytime she meets someone, its as if she loses herself and just ignores me. I will sms or call, she won''t answer of even reply. Then when things go wrong, she will call me wanting to meet or spend time with me. In the beginning I didn''t worry too much about it, but with her new boyfriend (who smokes marijuanna almost 24/7 - and she also started) its 10 times worse. She lied to me when she first met him, saying she is just busy, but after 2 months of no contact, she called to say that they had a relationship (but he doesn''t want to commit) The one moment we will spend time and call and keep in contact, and all of a sudden I wont hear from here for weeks or months. Btw, she broke up with him again and now she''s back with him. I can''t keep count anymore how many times this happens. She is bi-polar btw and on medication.

I have spoken to her about it. She listens but doesn''t seem to even aknowledge my feelings. I don''t expect her to spend time with me 24/7, but to just completely ignore me when she meets a guy hurts me.

I have considered to end the friendship and just go on giving my attention to my friends who really do need me.

I would really appreciate some input.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have a calm talk with her about this - about how hurtful it is that she ignores you as soon as she finds another friend, only to remember you when that relationship goes wrong. Sounds like, apart from you, she also has really bad teste in men. Don't invest your own feelings in someone who doesn't respect them. Encourage her to discuss this with whoever is treating her bipolar disorder, and remind her that marijuana is bad for any disordered brain, including bipolar disorder.
Why not inceed spend more attention on people who appreciate it - not only when they're in trouble.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: CrackSmokingCHRIST | 2010/11/05

Two.stone is right.

Reply to CrackSmokingCHRIST
Posted by: lizard | 2010/11/05

most gays are very good looking, take very good care of themselves and are highly inteligent, this would be a threat to any staraight guy, they most probably would be jealous of you and this girlie knows this, so in order for her not to threaten a potential mate she cant be busy with you, as much as she cares for you, which she must to do as you''ve been friends for a long time, i''m assuming she''s looking for a life mate, and bi-polar people sorry to say battle to keep relationships as people dont understand their bi-polar, its not okay that she lied to you, she does not want you to think bad of her

Reply to lizard
Posted by: two.stone | 2010/11/05

No doubt at all - you are her rainy day friend and not good enough when things go well for her. You don''t have to get into a fight to end it, just always be busy when she wants to see you and when she asks you what is wrong (if she ever does as she seems to be so wrapped up in herself), tell her you have moved on. Alternatively, just tell her straight out that you won''t be seeing her anymore. Good luck!

Reply to two.stone
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/05

Have a calm talk with her about this - about how hurtful it is that she ignores you as soon as she finds another friend, only to remember you when that relationship goes wrong. Sounds like, apart from you, she also has really bad teste in men. Don't invest your own feelings in someone who doesn't respect them. Encourage her to discuss this with whoever is treating her bipolar disorder, and remind her that marijuana is bad for any disordered brain, including bipolar disorder.
Why not inceed spend more attention on people who appreciate it - not only when they're in trouble.

Reply to cybershrink

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