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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2008/10/14

Should I cut all ties

My ex boyfriend broke up with me at the beginning of the year. We have a child together. I stopped going to see his family completely because I feel that we shouldn' t have any contact as he moved on with his life. His mom approached me and told me that even though we broke up she would still like to see me because she doesnt agree with his choices. She also told him that she wants me to continue coming to her house, and he didnt have a say as he has his own house. I did so and see him now and then but we dont talk to each other, the only contact we have is to say hello and goodbye. Just recently I started dating again and since my ex' s mom has found out about this she has been stand offish toward. I asked what the problem was and she told me that she didnt want me dating and that i should wait until her son makes up his mind and comes back to me. I didnt agree to this, and now she kinds of keeps me at arms length. I' ve decided to stay away from them completely without compromising the relationship between them and their grandchild. Did I make the right decision to cut all ties because I realise now that their interest in me was purely selfish.

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Our expert says:
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It's not essential for you to break ties with his family if you like each other and its practical to maintain contact. But her change of atitude / behaviour when she discovered you were now dating again, suggests she was always hoping you'd get back with her son, and is now distressed that this seems more obviously unlikely. But she can't expect you to put your life on hold IN CASE her son changes his mind, or to leave the decision so entirely up to him.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/10/14

Carry on with your life and your new love.

Don' t be nasty to her (not that im saying you are), should she call be nice (she is after all the granny of your child).

Should she want to see your child then let her, on your time and your terms.

If she brings up her son make it clear to her that you have moved on and she has to accept that and that her son is not up for discussion. Make it very clear.

Good Luck
Love Mom

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: frus | 2008/10/14

my love this is your life and you cannot spend it waiting for his son. there is no way she can guarantee that he will come back and even so she is not the deciding factor in what her children do with their lives. you have made the right choice in moving on with your life.

Reply to frus

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