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Question
Posted by: NG | 2011/12/12

should I come clean?

I''ve just recently started dating this guy and everything started on a high note,so I lied to him &  told him that I was seing someone else,because I did''nt want him to think that I don''t have a life and he also told me that he had someone else in his life but she is out of town...
Then i''ve been playing that hard to get girl but I now feel like coming clean and tell him that I am actually not seing anyone besides him,because he recently told me that " with guys if u dating someone that already seing someone else, u must know that it''s only about SHAGGING,bcoz that''s the only way they can compete with the other guy"  &  I make him feel small...
The thing is I am actually scared of falling inlove becase of my past experience but there''s just something about this guy.
Please help...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It started "on a high note" "so I LIED to him" ? You felt it would encourage him to think you were, in a way, cheating on another man in an existing relationship with you, and he apparently was similarly actually cheating on a woman who though he was her BF ? What a charming couple !
Relationships built on lies rarely succeed.
And he who plays hard to get, often doesn't get got.
Your comment about being scared to fall in love after past hurt, raises the question of whether in a way you might hav been sabotaging this relationship, or limiting it to a physical thing

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Honest | 2011/12/12

You are not mature enough for a relationship let alone a physical one.

I think u should wait until you have finsihed matric before considering dating.................

Reply to Honest
Posted by: Nikki | 2011/12/12

Why lie to the man in the first place? Your " relationship"  did not start on a very good note if you found it necessary to lie to him .. in fact it is quite silly that you had to go that route so that he would not think that you don''t have a life!! So what if you were not dating someone else at the time! There are many single people out there, be it by circumstance or by choice ... geez!!! Playing hard to get is childish and you might just end up being dumped by this man. His comments about " shagging"  and " competing with the other guy"  makes me wonder whether he is really interested in you or simply using you for a good time. You need to tell him the truth and then be adult enough to deal with the consequences. Do you think he will be able to trust you or believe anything you tell him when he finds out you have been lying to him all along? I hope you can sort this out and if not, don''t go lying to any prospective boyfriends again.

Reply to Nikki
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/12/12

It started "on a high note" "so I LIED to him" ? You felt it would encourage him to think you were, in a way, cheating on another man in an existing relationship with you, and he apparently was similarly actually cheating on a woman who though he was her BF ? What a charming couple !
Relationships built on lies rarely succeed.
And he who plays hard to get, often doesn't get got.
Your comment about being scared to fall in love after past hurt, raises the question of whether in a way you might hav been sabotaging this relationship, or limiting it to a physical thing

Reply to cybershrink

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