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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011/09/29

Should i ask for an explanation

Ive been in a relationship with this guy - although it hasnt been for very long. Now he has disappeared ie. no calls, sms anything since Monday and i feel i need an explanation from him even if it is to say that he wants nothing to do with me - I guess thats my closure. My friends say im wasting my time but i cant move on with questions as to what happened. I suppose the reason why i have all these questions is because we didnt even have a disagreement, not even a bit of an argument. Am i holding on to nothing or do i should i ask for an explanation when i do find him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Odd how we always assume any relationship is symmetrical, when this isnt so. You may have felt you were in a relationship with him, while he didn't think so at all. Don't say you CAN'T move on, of course you can/ Maybe you are reluctant to do so ; but such self-declarations of law limit you and lock you into an artificial set of absolutes.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/30

Odd how we always assume any relationship is symmetrical, when this isnt so. You may have felt you were in a relationship with him, while he didn't think so at all. Don't say you CAN'T move on, of course you can/ Maybe you are reluctant to do so ; but such self-declarations of law limit you and lock you into an artificial set of absolutes.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Diva | 2011/09/29

The same happened to me, we meet, we were madly in love, spending time between the 2 houses, his and mine, it really felt good, the last i spoke to him was when i was inviting him over to my house for drinks, he didnt say yes or no, but he didnt come, ever since then, we have never said anything to each other. the sad thing is that he has stuff at my house that he has to get, i have my earings which i dont really care about, so i guess he will have to call me someday, unless if he is intending to replace the things that are at my house. I really do not understand why would a person decide to disappear without saying anything.

Reply to Diva
Posted by: No No No | 2011/09/29

Just leave it. If he contacts you act normal. Do not ask him anything. See what he wants. If he starts trying to explain, cut him off and tell him there is no need to explain anything to you (indicating you are above concern and who is he to you anyway? ) YOU must main the initiative at all times. Do not come across as interested or needy, just be neutral. From there you can decide how you want to play it.
Unless he has been in hospital undergoing some serious treatment which has prevented him from speaking or SMSing, just act detatched. Actually, there is NO reason for him to be behaving like a bad mannered oaf. Be strong, be in charge.

Reply to No No No
Posted by: Nna | 2011/09/29

Pick up the phone and call him if he answers ask him straight he might lie to you its fine atleast you know. But keeping quiet will not give you closure my darling pick it up now No sms no please call but call him

Reply to Nna
Posted by: Me | 2011/09/29

Anon, you just reminded me of exactly the same situation i was in months ago, the worst part for me was that though we work for different companies we had to meet/talk from time to time due to work related matters. like you, i struggled to get him on the phone, he did not answer my text messages anymore, and this was the guy who told me he is " madly inlove"  with me. eventually work forced us to meet and i took my chance and asked what happened, and he gave me a reason right, the one that did not make sense at all. Anyway to cut the story short, i accepted that there is a possibility he never loved me, could have been infactuation, attraction or just lust. For many nights and days i cried trying to understand what went wrong, thinking i was not good enough for the guy, and one day as painful as it was i made a decision never to shed a tear over him again, to pick up the pieces and move on. I wanted to hate him and curse him, but everytime these feelings come, i will pray for him. Unfortunately we are still in contact due to business related but its no longer as painful to see or talk to him as it was, and everytime i see him i remind myself i have lost nothing by loosing him and no bitterness.

You might end up with a reason, (not necessarily the real one) of why he is acting like. My advice, let go if you can. it would be difficult but worth it. the way we deal with pain its different but i hope you find a way of getting the answers and moving on.

Reply to Me

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