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Question
Posted by: Aisa | 2011/08/12

Should I?

I have been married for almost 20 years. 2 children. Husband has always drunk a lot and gone out for nights coming back early morning. He takes good care of the children and I sleep a lot but I thought that I love him so stuck by him through thick and thin. I work Saturdays and do not take leave when they are on holiday because they irritate me and I need time to myself. We have money arguments and I threaten to divorce but never do cos we always make up for a little while or counseling helps for a while but then back to old ways again.
He spends money on alcohol when we cant afford it though lately he has been drinking less but also is less worried when I threaten to leave him. I think that the only reason he stays is because we will lose the house if we do. He stays in his room and hardly bothers to make up unless we have visitors but within a week is back on his own.
Is this a marriage worth working on? I am tired of it. but dont know if I want to do this to the family or be on my own. We cannot talk to each other. it will just mean a night or two together but he doesnt seem interested in that anymore either. He likes to just be on his own and watch tv or sleep or whatever and is less interested than he used to be. He used to admit his mistakes but now doesnt seem to care what I think or do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like he's a lousy husband, a passable father. He is a problem drinker, even if he can at times control it for a while ( as, apparently, he can carry out the advice of a marriage counsellor for a time, but not lastingly.
As a mariage, it doesn't sound worthwhile, does it ? I don't understand why you both would lose the house if you divorced, but it would be understandable if that made you both reluctant to part. But is it really worth remaining miserably together ? Are there really no alternatives ?
When you say "don't want to do this to the family " do you mean the children, or your larger family, or his ? Misery isn't good for children, and family's should not require unhappy people to remain together.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/13

Sounds like he's a lousy husband, a passable father. He is a problem drinker, even if he can at times control it for a while ( as, apparently, he can carry out the advice of a marriage counsellor for a time, but not lastingly.
As a mariage, it doesn't sound worthwhile, does it ? I don't understand why you both would lose the house if you divorced, but it would be understandable if that made you both reluctant to part. But is it really worth remaining miserably together ? Are there really no alternatives ?
When you say "don't want to do this to the family " do you mean the children, or your larger family, or his ? Misery isn't good for children, and family's should not require unhappy people to remain together.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: i | 2011/08/12

leave this guy lady....you can still find a new life, just take your kids along with you, let him suffe ron his own, its time that men can realise their attitude determines theur altitude. they are responsible for what went wrong, because it would not have been that way if he was a present husband.
just leave him...he is not worthy of you turning old with him,

Reply to i

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