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Posted by: jj | 2012/11/27

shock

Could anyone please assist me. i just got out of divorce being married over 30 years kids still dont talk to each other and now my daughter 25 tells me she is gay. i dont know what to do or where to go for info. I am shocked but want to know whether it has something to do with ex never good relatinoship or what? I dont want to lose her and I dont know how to handle this situation.

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Our expert says:
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I don't think it has anything a all to do with her relationship with your ex ( ? her father )or with her own ex - homosexuality is quite common, and arises from ordinary families with ordinary relationships, and the sexual orientation seems to be present from birth though only showing itself or coming to be recognized, rather later in life. Its nobody's fauly, and need not be a serious problem.
Maybe there's nothing you need to or should do, depending on whether your daughter was simply informing you ( but is OK about it, herself ) , or asking for advice and help. In the latter case suggest she see a good local counsellor, maybe one associated with a gay/lesbian organization, who will be more able to be helpful without being judgemental.
Sexuality is not a choice or a conversion, but a part of you, like the colour of your eyes. So, love her as a mother should, and be supportive as she makes her own decisions in life, as you would if she were straight.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Leila | 2012/11/29

No Deeve, seriously, it is certainly not my intention to cause any harm but I would like all you gays to seek help. If I didnt care for all you gays I wouldnt be posting in the first place. It is my sincere wish and hope that you could be guided. There is nothing wrong with you as such - but it is your action that you should look at.
I couldnt believe it and had to re-read your sentence over when you mentioned you ''married to your husband''!!!!!!!! I really feel sorry for those innocent kids. What a life! Deeve, I do understand the difficulty, but help is always at hand.

Reply to Leila
Posted by: Leila | 2012/11/29

Liza, you already fixed your mind so how on earth are you going to change for the better??
I most definitely would agree to disagree on anything except the wrong. I cannot justify wrong.
And Milla, the world needs loving all round, its not sexual love but mutual love. How can u be in love with everyone??
To be judgemental of others is indeed wrong, but here we''re talking of something which is abomination.
When people dont follow God''s laws this behaviour is bound to happen whether it happens now or a million years before.
You cannot compare heterosexuals to gays.

Reply to Leila
Posted by: Deeve | 2012/11/29

Leila, I''ve seen enough of your postings. I just hope you realise that you may one day be the direct cause of someone commiting suicide. You have absolutely no right to post YOUR homphobic opinions when people are asking for nothing more than honest advice with a ray of hope. If you don''t have anything positive to say, rather say nothing at all. You know nothing about the Gay world lady. Nothing at all! I''m a very happily married Christian who lives a wonderful life with my loving Husband and two beautiful kids. Yes kids Leila. Sorry, but you will never understand. It''s you that needs to open your eyes and get guidence before you try destroy others lives. There''s hope for you though...go check, there is light at the end of the tunnel...I''m there and I''ve found it!

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Milla | 2012/11/29

Leila, I think you are one of the few people who see homosexuality as being vile and dispicable, the rest of world sees two people sharing their lives with each other, making each other happy. I don''t see the ''deviancy'' is people actually LOVING one another, to me to world needs all the loving, caring people it can get.

Is it not wrong to be judgemental of others? Love thy neighbor or some such bs? I''m relatively sure there wasn''t an added bit about only doing those things if they acted a certain way? Perhaps it''s time to take a look in the mirror and see what''s wrong with YOU before you start judging others behavior as vile or lowly.. You can''t just pick and choose which rules should apply to who and ignore the rest as it suites you..

Don''t understand why some people call homosexuality unnatural or abnormal? If you bothered reading up you would see that homosexual acts have been noted throughout human history and across several, if not all cultures. If it has been a part of human life since the very beginning, how can it be abnormal? Does that make any sense? Is it unnatural because they can''t reproduce? Are heterosexual couples who have sex for enjoyment with no intention of reproducing also behaving unnaturally or giving in to their lowly self?

Reply to Milla
Posted by: Liza | 2012/11/29

@Leila - I''m not going to change my opinion no matter what you say. You''re not going to change your opinion no matter what I say. So can we agree to disagree?

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Leila | 2012/11/28

No Liza, its like you are saying to me, ''accept such deviancy'' which I simply cannot, its the most unnatural thing to be. I will not allow myself to be led astray. Truth cannot be hidden, and there is no compromise.
So are you saying that any vile, despicable deed should be allowed as long as it ''does not hurt anybody''??

Reply to Leila
Posted by: Leila | 2012/11/28

Deeve you say you''r ''very happy'' just the way you are so how on earth are you going to right yourself?? Where there is a will there is a way. You CANNOT get married to the same sex! Its just not possible. I hope you will realise this sooner rather than later.
I implore you to seek real guidance and you will see light.

Reply to Leila
Posted by: Liza | 2012/11/28

P.S. Common sense should tell you that psychopaths generally hurt other people - homosexuals don''t... It''s like trying to compare apples to cigarettes...

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Liza | 2012/11/28

@Leila - it doesn''t help trying to force understanding on the inflexible. The inflexible will remain inflexible no matter how much I tear their faulty reasoning apart simply because they''re not willing to see things from another point of view. I''m sorry - you''re going to remain bigoted because NOTHING I say is going to change your mind. So why should I even try?

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Deeve | 2012/11/28

Leila, You poor thing! How dare you tell me how to think, feel and act!! I was born this way, I think and see MEN the same way as you do. Do you think I''m a magician that can just make this all go away in a big ''poof'' LOL!!!!!! You seriously think I would choose to be this way? Go get a life lady...I''m VERY happy just the way I am...so sod off! BTW...I was married to my life long partner as a Christian by our Minister.... :-) Bye bye....

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Leila | 2012/11/28

Of course you cannot answer this question of mine So you are going ''the troll route''.

Reply to Leila
Posted by: Liza | 2012/11/28

Oh dear. I fed a troll.

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Leila | 2012/11/27

Liza, would you also say that a psychopath should be allowed to carry on doing what he does just because he was born like that?
This is not merely about ''having an opinion''. Its about basic common sense.

Reply to Leila
Posted by: Liza | 2012/11/27

@Leila - of course you''re free to have your own opinions. You have to realize that opinions aren''t facts however. Facts can be supported with empirical evidence - opinions cannot. And ''the bible says so'' isn''t considered empirical evidence anywhere...

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Leila | 2012/11/27

I absolutely disagree that homosexuality is an inborn trait. It is when a person gives in to his/her lowly self that he/she practices this. And I absolutely disagree that homosexuals should be allowed to think what they are doing is normal.

Reply to Leila
Posted by: Kelly | 2012/11/27

I agree, it has nothing to do with her ex
How to handle the situation is to learn to accept what she has told you and I''m sure that''s all she wants right now.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Liza | 2012/11/27

Having a previous terrible heterosexual relationship is VERY rarely why a person rather chooses to have homosexual relationships instead. It''s far more likely that previous heterosexual relationships didn''t work out because of homosexuality and she couldn''t continue living a lie.

Don''t think of sexuality as a all or nothing thing. Sexuality should rather be measured on a scale of 1 to 10. People who identify as being homosexual usually score between 1-4. People who identify as being heterosexual usually score between 7-10. People who identify themselves as being bisexual usually score 5 or 6 on the scale.

At 25 I''m quite sure that your daughter knows what her own sexual identity is - she''s not a teenager experimenting with life. Just remember that sexual identity is not a choice - just like you can''t choose your natural eye color.

All you need to do in this situation, is to love your daughter and not to judge her. The rest will come by itself.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza

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