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Posted by: Liza | 2010/05/24

She''s driving me crazy!

My mother is going to drive me certifiably insane. My brother decided to move to Cape Town from Pretoria too and I was thrilled to bits since he and I are very close. Unfortunately my mother has no pension and no job, so my brother has been supporting her for the last couple of years. So mother moved with. Since I had a place with two spare bedrooms, I said that they could move in with me. BIG mistake.

This is the same mother who tried to kill me two years ago.

Tonight she got angry at me for taking MY cellphone charger out of her room yesterday to charge my phone. She also keeps on complaining that the house is ''shoved in a corner'' - a location I specifically chose for the peace,quiet and security.

She complains because she can''t get to the shops - 1.5km is ''too far'' for her to walk. Although it definitely won''t be too far if my brother forgot to buy her a box of wine.

I have to keep my bedroom door locked because she loves snooping. I even have to lock it when I go to sleep at night, else she wakes me up while she''s going through my drawers.

She''s a compulsive liar. Even about the most stupid little things. And if I catch her out in a lie, she flatly denies something she said most emphatically five minutes ago. This past month I''ve been very broke since I helped my brother financially to move. I paid the rent, I paid the electricity, paid my share of the food bill but I''m not allowed to use the milk that my brother bought, because she says that I use it up too fast. Must I eat my cornflakes dry? If it weren''t for all the money I spent on her and my brother, I would have had money to buy milk myself! I really don''t know what to do anymore. For the past couple of months I''ve been really stable on my meds. After living with her since the beginning of the month I''m starting to get depressed because I feel that I can''t even leave my bedroom without her bothering me.

According to her I''m addicted to pills - because of my bipolar meds and occasional painkiller use for severe period pain. I still remember the terrible leg pain I used to suffer as a child because of a magnesium deficiency. She would tell me that it was just growing pains and that it wasn''t that bad. Just yesterday she told my older sister how she took me to multiple doctors about the pain. She NEVER took me to a doctor for that. She eventually took me to a doctor when I was still wetting my bed at age 14! Even my asthma was left untreated until I could pay for it myself.

All this is really getting me down right now.

Liza

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If she had tried to kill me previously, I wouldn't have allowed her through my front door, even at gun-point. And the issue of the charger shows someone unbalanced, selfish and unappreciative. She needs to be told firmly and irevocably that beggars can't be choosers, and if she is ever to live with you she must keep strictly to YOUR rules and be concerned with what YOU want - she who pays the piper calls the tune. No snooping allowed - and a set of rules like this, break them twice and she moves out, even if its to the pavement.
Now, my harsh comments about her apply if she is a generally normal and presumably personality disordered person. Its not your fault she failed to work or make any proprt provision for herself during life. Otherwise, one might wonder whether she is ill - perhaps Alzheimers or some other form of dementia. If her misbehaviour is related to alcohol abuse, then she should be sent to a state facility for detox and ongoing treatment, and they should be notified that she cannot return to the address from which she came.
You do not owe it to her to accept continuing abuse by her

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: smiles | 2010/05/26

A good heart will always be taken for granted and used up till it is dry, To try and follow the other comments would probably be to harsh for you to do cause it will eat at your concience because you obviously put everyone else before your self and now you have caught yourself in a snag, the best thing to do would be to help your brother and mom find a other place...but in a nice way so that they dont feel you are trying to get rid of them. Once they are out...write the whole SAGA on a piece of paper and put it on the wall to remind yourself to never make the same mistake again.

Reply to smiles
Posted by: AAA | 2010/05/25

The only answer is for her to live somewhere else, maybe your brother can move into a 2 bed place and take her with, maybe easier said than done, but you don''t have to put with that crap even if she is your mother

Reply to AAA
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/25

If she had tried to kill me previously, I wouldn't have allowed her through my front door, even at gun-point. And the issue of the charger shows someone unbalanced, selfish and unappreciative. She needs to be told firmly and irevocably that beggars can't be choosers, and if she is ever to live with you she must keep strictly to YOUR rules and be concerned with what YOU want - she who pays the piper calls the tune. No snooping allowed - and a set of rules like this, break them twice and she moves out, even if its to the pavement.
Now, my harsh comments about her apply if she is a generally normal and presumably personality disordered person. Its not your fault she failed to work or make any proprt provision for herself during life. Otherwise, one might wonder whether she is ill - perhaps Alzheimers or some other form of dementia. If her misbehaviour is related to alcohol abuse, then she should be sent to a state facility for detox and ongoing treatment, and they should be notified that she cannot return to the address from which she came.
You do not owe it to her to accept continuing abuse by her

Reply to cybershrink

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