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Question
Posted by: anne | 2011/12/08

sheesh

I have recently started seeing my ex again. However, he has this female friend - they have been friends for 7 years, so are pretty good friends. However since last Friday, where ever we go, she goes (as she is single and lonely). It is always the 3 of us going out - I havent been alone with him at all. It feels like I am tagging along with my friend and her boyfriend...meantime it is my boyfriend. He treats us exactly the same way - pays for everythng, calls us both ''babe''...I dont feel special at all. He wanted me to stay over last night and I was going to, but then I got irritated and thought why should I. He was upset that I didnt and I just said ''3''s is a crowd''...havent heard from him since. What should I do? I cant break their friendship but also cant build a relationship with her around all the time....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He and she are in an existing, current relationship. Is his relationship with her a romantic one ? Or a buddy one ? OR a pity-based cheering up a loner one ? Its worth clarifying what it is, and what each of them expect of their relationship, so as to decide whether whatever it is you want, is viable.
And for her own sake, he should not encourage her to become so needy and dependent on the one single relationship with him, as this makes her more dysfunctional

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011/12/08

When one starts a romantic relationship you generally spend less time with your friends, regardless of their gender. That''s just the way these things work. Tell him gently that if you are going to have relationship that is more than a friendship, you need to spend some time alone with him. This is not an unrealistic expectation. It is admirable that he wants to be there for his friend but she is very selfish if she cannot give him some space to be in a relationship. It is also not healthy for her to be so bonded to only one person, she should work on making some other friends.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/12/08

He and she are in an existing, current relationship. Is his relationship with her a romantic one ? Or a buddy one ? OR a pity-based cheering up a loner one ? Its worth clarifying what it is, and what each of them expect of their relationship, so as to decide whether whatever it is you want, is viable.
And for her own sake, he should not encourage her to become so needy and dependent on the one single relationship with him, as this makes her more dysfunctional

Reply to cybershrink

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