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Question
Posted by: Astonished | 2012/02/21

She wants to kick him out at least once a week

I am really trying to be supportive of my friend but she is really getting to me. How far should one go to be a friend? She and this guy have been together for 5 years and have a son of 3 at one stage he moved out and " cheated"  on her, he then moved back. She owns the house and he has to pay rent.

To make a very long story short he is so bad and so shit and so lazy and so not contributing and not loving and they dont have sex and and and i''ve given her advice i''ve said if someone hurts you once its their fault if they hurt you a second time and a third and a forth its yours, i get snippets and stuff and send it to her. Like - you keep doing the same thing yet you expect a different result.

I''ve told her to please just take a decision and stick to it. Every week she tells him to go every week he ignores her, then she packs his stuff and he unpacks it etc. on and on and on...

Now i get an email again today ending with HE MUST GO...how can i answer her? i feel like saying : you know what i just cannot do this anymore, i dont want to loose your friendship BUT ....or what!

Please help me?

ps. he is not a bad guy, she is not a bad person they are toxic to each other. He is friends with my husband and always telling my husband what a biatch she is.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

SO what is their relationship now - lovers, or is he really just a tenant ? If she tells him to go and he doesn't, if she really means it, she can ask the police to remove him, and even get a court order forbidding him from approaching her or the home again, or he could go to jail. That's what she could do if she was serious about this. If they like each other so little, why do they choose to stay together ? Maybe they dont see any alternative ? Just tell her, calmly, that you are sure what she should do, but you have discussed this so often, and she never follows your advvice, so you don't see any value to either of you in going through it again and again, so you don't want to hear any more from her about those problems, until she acts on the decisions she has announced.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: / | 2012/02/21

Why on earth would you spend so much time and energy on other people''s r/ship?.....to a point where you feel you have a right to post about it here. Your life must be perfect I imajin hey.....just f*ck off

Reply to /
Posted by: The Other Woman | 2012/02/21

Why are you getting involved and making this your problem? The longer you listen to her sad stories, the longer she''ll stick it out with him ... she''s obviously a sympathy freak and thrives on your worries for her. Stop listening to her stories and divert the conversation into another direction - she will soon see that she''s not getting your sympathy anymore and will be able to let go of him!

Reply to The Other Woman
Posted by: tilly | 2012/02/21

Send her that email and tell her exactly how you feel.

Reply to tilly
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/02/21

SO what is their relationship now - lovers, or is he really just a tenant ? If she tells him to go and he doesn't, if she really means it, she can ask the police to remove him, and even get a court order forbidding him from approaching her or the home again, or he could go to jail. That's what she could do if she was serious about this. If they like each other so little, why do they choose to stay together ? Maybe they dont see any alternative ? Just tell her, calmly, that you are sure what she should do, but you have discussed this so often, and she never follows your advvice, so you don't see any value to either of you in going through it again and again, so you don't want to hear any more from her about those problems, until she acts on the decisions she has announced.

Reply to cybershrink

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