Posted by: Apple | 2009-01-29

She wants out of our R/ship

I' m 26 and she 24.We have been together for abt 7 yeras and have a daughter together.Things had been tense between us towards the end of last year and the word ' SPACE"  kept cropping out on most of our serious conversation.She has finally decided that we should break up.In short,the reason for our problems stem out from many different things that have happened in our r/ship.It seems like they have all come back to put a stpo to our r/ship.She says she still loves me bt doesn' t have the energy to be in a r/ship anymore and wants to take time to concentrate on herself.She wants to heal.I have suggested that we go for counselling bt she declined.She says maybe one day,in a different world,things would work out between us.Its been 3 weeks.We dont/didnt stay 2gether.We do stilll talk on the phone abt general staff bt its killing me.I love this woman so much and was prepared to marry soon.sHE DOESN' T WANT TO DISCUSS ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH OUR R/SHIP AT THIS POINT.
I feel so lost and hopeless.Anyone,please help me,what can I do.I want to give her time to heal herself bt its so difficult and no one knows how long that might take.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What often saps the energy from a relationship, is the gathering amount of unresolved conflicts and issues that don't get worked on effectively --- this is why I keep recommentding marriage / relationship counselling. Sounds like something of this sort has blighted your relationship. And then the demand for "space" often represents a determination to remove oneself from the situation, hoping to find clarity alone --- it usually doesnt work.
And simply waiting for healing to arrive, is also unlikely to work, without professional, expert input from a counsellor

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Paul | 2009-01-30

I took one back once, and 3 years later she did the same thing.

Watch your back.

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009-01-30

Yes, the " Space"  issue ! Lets face it, if you look at it realistically the girl has had it with you. Whatever it is, for her, you are an irritation (sorry) No matter what you do, it will not be enough for her. Once the girls get the urge to " find themselves"  " sort out their heads"  " have to do this for themselves"  etc etc. There is no holding them. All the bunk they read in these romance magazines and pick up from Hollywood, seems real to them, whereas its just an excuse to take a hike.(You don' t find the guys coming up with talk like that) they just say " I' ve had it with you and I am outta here "  My advice.... let her go, do not take her back as you don' t know what she has been up to while out there amongst the " fun"  guys and she could always surprise you with an STD or Aids. I personally would NEVER be able to take back someone who has pulled that number on me. What stops her from doing it again and would you in all honesty ever stop worrying about what she did and with whom while out and jolling ? Its just not worth the heartache and stress you are goinbg through now. Look someone who is stable and enjoy your life. Good luck pal.

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: Apple | 2009-01-29

Soul - Yes she knows and says its not important to her anymome,at this point in time.She says there was a time when she was ready to do so bt I was not on the same level with her.

Southernwrite - The thought of someone else in the picture has crossed my mind a number of times but I dont want to crowd myself with such thoughts that I have no confirmation of because they will bring me more misery.Of course I' ve asked her,and no surprise she said no. The other thing is I that the issues that she is talking abt are genuine and i' m realising now how much they damaged our r/ship. I' m so lost coz I love her to bits.

Reply to Apple
Posted by: Southernwrite | 2009-01-29

Play hard ball - just say ok - and if she comes back great - are u sure she is not wanting out because of someone else - 7yrs is a long time

Reply to Southernwrite
Posted by: suede | 2009-01-29

You know what if she wants to take a break let her do so cause at one stage if you force her to stay you cause yourself a pain and you' ll suffer, cause she think she knows you too much and she need some challenge outside give her a space but she must be very carefull cause you might find someone who will steal your heart and forgett about her.

Reply to suede
Posted by: Soul | 2009-01-29

Does she know you want to marry her?

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Jacqui | 2009-01-29

Perhaps you should just let her " go" . if she comes back then its meant to be.

Reply to Jacqui

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